Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The BET Awards: Running Diary

The BET Awards show is something that I have been looking forward to for quite some time this year.  Being a huge fan of Hip-Hop and R&B music, I always watch this award show to really see if these people know what the hell they are talking about. You’re probably asking yourself, “how come this guy thinks he’s such an expert?” and I say to that, “because I am a fucking expert, that’s why!”.  Every year there are a few “really?” award recipients, mostly because they suck and are just popular, but they mostly get it correct.  The performances are ALWAYS dog shit.  BET has never done well with the live performances at their award shows.  Last year at the Hip-Hop awards, Waka Flaka Flame went up and was rapping the wrong song.  The artists never sound good, and you can barely hear them over the actual song.  Maybe this will change this year.  All and all, I am very excited, and can’t wait to see what’s in store for this year’s BET Awards…Here we go!

6:49:  After watching a half hour of pointless pre-show interviews about clothes I would never be able to afford (even if I took out a small loan), and questionable live performances. I’m ready for this show to start up. 

6:59:  Just saw Nelly come onstage with YC to do a Remix to Racks.  My mind was blown.  My inner 14 year old was freaking the fuck out.  If you didn’t like the “Country Grammar” CD you’re not human. 

7:08:  Mary J Blige came out on stage to do a three song opening set.  Not a very big fan of her to begin with so I was pretty upset.  But then Anita Baker came out to join in the mediocre fun.  It’s not that she’s terrible; it’s just that nobody under the age of 50 has ever heard of her.  At least we were graced with DJ Khaled’s pres…oh wait, WHY THE HELL IS HE ON THE FUCKING STAGE!  I’m all for having Jadakiss on stage to do his thing, but just the presents of DJ Khaled on stage, live, screaming “LETS GO” 100 times really was sickening.  But hey, it’s the first performance, hopefully they will get better.

7:20: Chris Brown was announced the Male R&B Artist of the year.  Chris Breezy is my boy so I’m glad he took it home.  He had some big songs this year and his CD sold so he deserved it.   There were a lot of heavy hitters in the list of nominees; Cee lo Green, Usher, and Trey Songz, but the one that I was confused with, was Bruno Mars.  He just doesn’t seem to fit in at all with these other artists.  He seems just way too pop for me to be nominated at the BET Awards.  I mean, getting caught with some coke does up your street cred, but he just didn’t seem to fit. 

7:26: Rick Ross, Ace Hood, and Lil Wayne did a Hustle Hard remix onstage.  It was awesome.  It is probably going to be the best performance of the night.  Everybody did their thing, the crowd loved it, and the song is straight FIRE!  But one thing did get to me.  Rick Ross. My man.  Coming from a fellow big fella like yourself, keep your god damn shirt on please.  We don’t need to see you floppin’ around on stage.  We thought Janet Jackson was bad, but tonight there was more than enough titty bouncing around on stage to cover for the next three years of wardrobe malfunctions.

7:35: Jaden and Willow Smith won the Youngsters award.  I swear to god the Smiths are going to take over the world in a few years.  Will Smith’s seed has the power to create millionaires.  Not fair.

7:43:  Best Female Hip-Hop Artist award.  If anyone thought it would be anyone but Nicki Minaj, their names would be Diamond, Cymphonique, and Lola Monroe.  The mere fact that I haven’t heard of two of the other nominees made this award a given.  Nicki deserved it 100%.  She took over the rap world this year and people loved her.  I am so glad she came to the fore front. Not because I like her music, but because there has never, ever, been an ass quite like Miss Minaj’s, and for that I thank you, Nicki.

7:59:  Diddy Dirty Money takes home the Best Group award.  I have a funny feeling Diddy’s wallet might have something to do with their winning.  I believe that Cali Swag district got hosed.  They had the biggest song of the year, and one of their members got shot in a drive by.  Maybe that could have had a sympathy award, but you know what they say; Can’t stop. Won’t stop. Uh-uh, uh-uh.

8:12: Holy shit.  I just watched one of the best live performances I have ever seen.  Chris Brown did his thing! High energy.  And Busta was unbelievable.  I think he played us though.  He was rapping so damn fast that I think he just started mumbling, and we didn’t know the difference.  Chris Brown is the man, and god damn it I wish I were him for just a day.  I would do nothing but pop and lock down the street all day.

8:15: Chris Brown took home best Collaboration for “Look at me Now”.  This song is ridiculous, but I don’t know how you can’t give the award to Kanye West and Rihanna for “All of the Lights”.  I have never heard anything quite like that song.  I hate to make the joke, but I guess Chris Brown beat Rihanna once again…too soon?

8:19:  Mike Vick and Serena Williams won male and female athletes of the year.  This award is pretty laughable every year.  In BET Awards history, I think Reggie Bush won it two years in a row, and I’m sure this is Serena’s third one.  I bet Blake Griffin was in the running for this award, but they couldn’t really give him the award because he isn’t quite black enough.  Next year though, if the pattern repeats itself, Plaxico Burress already has this award wrapped up.  Just sayin.

8:30:  The biggest award, in my mind, of the night.  Best Male Hip-Hop artist.  The nominees for the award were stacked with the likes of B.o.B, Drake, Rick Ross, and Lil Wayne.  But the best man took the trophy back to Chicago and the award went to Mr. Kanye West.  The BET Awards surprised me with this one.  The whole show they are pumping Lil Wayne, and with him coming back from prison and all. I thought this was his for sure.  I was so happy to know that they actually gave the award to the right person for the right reasons.  Weezy will get his, but Kanye West had a huge year.  He put out one of the most critically acclaimed albums in hip-hop history, and his singles were always in the top of the charts.  After all this being said, Kanye wasn’t present because it’s the BET Awards, and Yeezy is way above this show.  I just really wanted to hear Rick Ross’s speech if he would have won.  Would he have thanked Big Meech and Larry Hoover? Or would he have grunted and just played the Maybach Music sound bite during the speech.  One can only dream.

8:38:  Big Sean performs.  He’s my boy and he’s going to be huge.  And you got to love the Detroit Lions hat.  Way to represent fam. Boi.

8:50: Best new artist time.  This is a pretty big award.  In my mind, it was between two artists; J.cole and Wiz Khalifa.  Wiz turned out to be the victor.  J. Cole didn’t have enough commercial prowess to really take this award home and Wiz has had a huge couple years too, building up a solid collection of hits.  But now the problem with Wiz’s hits is distinguishing them from one another if you forget the name of the song. 
“Hey man you hear that new Wiz Khalifa song?”
“Probably, what one was it”
 “Oh it was the one about smoking weed and partying...”
“You need to be more specific, buddy”

8:58: Trey Songz made every woman watching the BET Awards cream in their pants.  It is pretty is much a strip tease and two songs purely about sex.  Fuck you man.  Standards that women have were just raised 20%.  I was looking good when Rick Ross was onstage, but now this. C’mon man.  And Kelly Rowland was involved in the performance.  She’s really hot, but she came out dressed up like she was going to a funeral at the Kentucky Derby.  What’s wrong with a little skin Kelly? Figure it out….And just like that, at the end of it all, we get to see what she’s working with.  Thank you Kelly, you have made me a happy man tonight.

9:07:  Steve Harvey wins Humanitarian of the Year award…. A lot of talk about God.  Boring. Who gives a
 shit.

9:16: Now Al Sharpton? Really?  And now the gospel music garbage, Holy Christ! If I weren’t mistaken, I think I’ve been at church for the past 30 minutes.  GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!!  I get that they are church services in the morning and on Sundays on BET, but my god (no pun intended) a whole half hour of this bullshit?

9:58: Back to the real stuff now. Time to honor the dead from this past year.  The list consists of; The kid from Cali Swag District, the saxophone player from Bruce Springsteen’s band, Warren G, and a couple of other people that I’m not familiar with.  It was a good memorial, with artists performing the hits of the ones that passed. 

10:15:  To shut down the show, Lil Wayne, Drake, Rick Ross, and everyone’s favorite fuck ass, DJ Khaled, performed some of their hits.  This performance was really, really bad.  Drizzy was singing the whole time and he sounded awful.  I couldn’t hear Wayne at all, and Rick Ross seemed like he was elsewhere.  Add that with DJ Khaled once again, screaming over the artists performing, you got yourself a whole lot of dog shit. 

Closing Thoughts:  All in all, this year’s BET Awards was an entertaining couple of hours, filled with this year’s hottest songs and hottest celebs.  The awards, for the most part, went to the right people, and we got to see Nicki Minaj’s ass once again, which is always a plus.  The most shocking part of the whole show was that God was only thanked five times (I know, the room is probably spinning right now, I almost fell out of my chair as well)!  I was really expecting him to be thanked about 10 times alone during the gospel section, but no mention of the man up above.  It’s about time people started to realize that god didn’t get you on that stage, or give you an amazing talent.  Your hard work did.

Kevin Hart did a hell of a job and I laughed a lot at his jokes.  I would just keep having him do the hosting because there is no other funny black comedian out there, willing to do this show.   Until next year I guess, see you BET Awards.

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