Monday, July 25, 2011

Eric Made A List And He's Checking It Twice!

Well, writing is not fun, so here is a list of random things that annoy me.

·         Facebook photo albums that are lyrics to songs. I mean come on, how lame is this. Especially when girls use rap lyrics. You don’t like rap. At least stick to shitty country if you do this. Damn.

·         Facebook photos that are black and white and one thing is in color. You are not a photographer. Take the 35 pictures of you and your friends doing the same thing and don’t turn them black and white next time.

·         People who use Facebook to let their problems out. Go talk to a psychiatrist or something. I hear Menards has a sale on rope right now too.

·         The animal commercials that try to make you feel guilty and adopt. Don’t try to guilt people into adopting animals that they don’t want. Somebody gets suckered into adopting and then they realize that they don’t want it and they animal ends up worse off than before. Suck it Sarah Mclachlan.
·         Dumb excuses like: I can’t hang out because I need to pack or I just want to be friends. The two dumbest excuses of all time. If you need to pack, throw some shit it a bag and get on with it. Done! The “I just wanna be friends” excuse is just stupid. Nobody wants to be friends after they break up. Say something a little less stupid like, it’s not you, it’s me.

·         Any person who simultaneously has spiked hair, wears aviators, a tight Hollister with popped collar of course, frayed or holy jeans, and flip flops. Enough said here right? Fuck these clowns.

·         That one car on a side road that is turning left and causes the main roads light to turn red so you have to stop. Next time this happens, I’m going to t-bone the joker that pulls this. Turn right dumbass.

·         People who say “god, I’m so drunk right now.” You are drinking and got drunk? No shit. Shut up and drink a few more so you PTFO! 
·         Any slow driver. Drive like you are 87 and have two gas pedals.

·         Sarah Jessica Parker’s face. Google it. Just make sure that you have a trash can for your puke. I really don’t know how she gets movie offers. It’s just not fair.

·         People who set their relationship status as “It’s Complicated.” You are either together or you are not. Figure it out or break up already. Say this if you want to end it; I just wanna be friends.
·         Pretty much all chick flick movies. How does this sort of trash get made? I would rather gargle diarrhea than watch one of these travesties.

·         Swear words. Who hell decided to call them swear words in the first place? Somebody needs to find that bitch and whoop the shit out of their ass. If that idiot never would have declared them swear words, we would have no need for all of those explicit lyric stickers and we could buy rap albums at Wal-Mart for $3. Fuck!

·         People who abbreviate cities by initials. I was up in D-Town the other day and I decided to head on south. On my way I drove through Soup-Town, RL, EC, and made a pit stop in LAX. A few hours later I made it to my destination: Mad-Town. See how dumb that sounds? Spell out the whole word, christ! 

·         Bible verse tattoos. First off, this just looks stupid. Nobody is going to walk up to you and read your fucking arm. If I wanted to read psalm 32, I would go check out the fiction section of the library.

·         People passing in the left lane going 65.2. Either pass them or get in the ditch. Yeard!
·         Somebody who walks down the street texting the whole way. You really can’t live without your phone for more than 10 minutes? What is the world coming to when a clown has to update their status every 5 minutes to tell the world that they are WALKING DOWN THE STREET TEXTING!

·         Soap operas. To quote the great Ari Gold, “there are no good soap operas, only versions of bad.” That pretty much sums that trash up.