Monday, August 29, 2011

2011 VMA's

As with most award shows outside of the ESPY’s, I was expecting the VMA’s to blow ass. The awards didn’t disappoint but the performances were some of the best that I can remember, highlighted by Jay and Ye. Funny man Kevin Hart was the “host” of this year’s awards and brought the jokes as always. The show started with Lady Gaga dressed up like a man, acting weird as shit and eventually breaking into a song. From then on out the show was pretty entertaining and thanks to Joe Haines for not having cable, I am here to give you my reviews of the awards and performances.

Awards (in random order). The VMA awards are pretty much worthless as they have literally never gotten any award right.

Rock Video of the Year- This went to the Foo Fighters who I have never listened to in my life. Apparently they have been around for 20 years so that makes them good. Nobody will ever touch Kurt Cobain, I mean other than that bullet. Too soon?

Best Collaboration- Katy Perry and Kanye took this home for “E.T.” Kanye’s “All of the Lights” should have won but at least we didn’t have to watch Ye storm the stage and whoop a untalented ho again.

Hip-Hop Video of the Year- Nicki Minaj won this award and that’s a good thing because she would have swung her big ass around and killed everybody if she didn’t. Other than Lil Wayne, I thought any of the other candidates would have done but the VMA’s prove my point once again.

Female Video and Video of the Year- I’m combining these two because there is some bullshit a stewin. Lady Gaga won Best Female Video but Katy Perry won Video of the Year. How the hell does this happen MTV??? Lost made more sense than this.

Best New Artist- Tyler the Creator snatched this award up. I have listened to a few of his songs and he has some crazy ass lyrics. Check out his videos though, pretty cool. My prediction was Big Sean or Wiz Khalifa but I didn’t get my hopes up because I knew the right choice wasn’t going to be made. One of those guys should have just rigged the vote like Bush did.

Best Pop Video- A hot again Britney Spears won this award for “Till the World Ends.” Adele probably should have won this award or at least one of the 50 she was up for. Talent doesn’t win awards at the VMA’s as we have found out.

Male Video of the Year- Dumbass Justin Bieber has more talent than Bruno Mars, Eminem, C-Lo Green, and Kanye West? That is what you are telling me MTV? I just grabbed my keys and I am on my way to Home Depot to get some rope.

Performances- All around, the performances were tight except for a horrendous one that I will get to.

Jay-Z and Kanye West- “Otis” If you didn’t get to see this, you missed out on life. Jay and Ye rocked the house with tons of energy. Had they rolled out in the car from video instead of on foot, the roof and my head would have simultaneously exploded. During the performance some sucka jumped up on stage and Hov looked like he was about to put one of his Timbalands up his ass. This performance will go down in history right next to the signing of the Declaration of Independence and if you missed it, check it out here    

Adele- “Someone Like You” After her performance, Twitter almost blew up with all of the responses about how good it was. I think she has dethroned that one hit wonder known as Leona Lewis as having the best female voice out there. She deservedly received a standing ovation from the crowd afterwards.    

Chris Brown’s Dance Performance- Without a doubt, I would give this an A+. Nothing better than watching Chris Brown dance and fly through the air. He may or may not have whooped some chicks ass back in the day but the kid can dance and that’s all that matters. 

Beyonces Performance- After the rumors were swirling around that B was pregnant, she confirmed it after her performance by rubbing on her stomach to a huge ovation. It better be a son because the musical talent is going to be off the charts.

Bruno Mars Tribut to Amy Winehouse- I do like Bruno Mars and his performance was pretty good but it sucked that it was about Amy Winehouse. Why were they celebrating a alcoholic, drug addict? I don’t care if she had a great voice, or was soooo talented. First a child molester and now a drug addict? Sheeeeit!

Young the Giant- I guess they are some rock band I have never heard of but they gave a pretty high energy performance. It beat the shit hole, live band that I was unfortunate enough to see on Friday night, so that's gotta count for something.

Lil Wayne- When I mentioned the horrendous performance above, I was referring to Lil Wayne. The first song he performed had every other word bleeped out which made for great T.V. The second song was even worse as he decided to parade around the stage with his shirt off and his draws hanging down to his knees. If I had a grenade, it would have ended up in the T.V.

A few final thoughts on the VMA’s. First, they need to get rid of those idiots that they hire to cheer for every performance. I’m sure they could have found some real fans to cheer. Second, I noticed that there was a lot of swearing that got bleeped out. I was just surprised by how much there was and that’s just another reason to abolish swear words. If they offend you, you can go eat ass. Finally, I don’t know if I emphasized this enough but the VMA’s HAVE NEVER GOTTEN ANY AWARD RIGHT EVERRRRR! DAMNIT! 

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