Sunday, August 21, 2011

Back To School Television Suggestions

Summer is coming to an end, and it fucking sucks!  Soon we’ll be back to our crappy college houses, binge drinking on a nightly basis (can we just admit its alcoholism already?), and seriously considering getting a job, but to ultimately never fill out an application because “it will conflict with my studying”.    As we all know, there is a lot of spare time at school.  These hours after school, which you swear you will use to study or workout, you are actually using either on the internet, playing video games, or watching the tube.

For me, I prefer the later, but there is a lot of shitty television on during the day.  After the third watch through of Sports Center, your only other options are: a.) shitty re runs of (fill in shitty cop drama here) on TNT, Teen Mom, or Lingo.  For me, I would rather put my wiener in a meat grinder then watch these awful shows.  So for that reason, I am going to be your television savior; the man to free you from the horrible grips of daytime television. 

Now look, I know some of you are going to read this and say “Hey Joe.  I have watched all of these shows.  Why are you suggesting some shit that everyone has seen you dumbass?” Well asshole, to that I say this:  a lot of people that I talk to do not watch these shows.  Some of them have never even heard of them.  These are just suggestions that I feel spread across multiple genres and could appeal to a wide audience. 

For the following list, I did not include three big shows.  These include Lost, The Sopranos, and The Wire.  I left these off because if you haven’t started watching them yet, you obviously have no television, or taste in anything.  If you haven’t seen them, go out and buy the seasons.  You’ll thank me later.  

So with that being said, here are three shows that will surely be able to soak up those extra hours you have at school this year.

True Blood
I have been trying to pump this show for a year now, and nobody is buying it.  I get the same response every time I bring it up; “Isn’t that the vampire show?  That sounds pretty gay dude.  You like Twilight too you fairy?” Ok, so I watched one Twilight movie, but I was just seeing what all the buzz was about.  Honestly though, this isn’t a gay show.  There is more sex and violence in this show than I have ever seen in any other program.  Some of the episodes seem like a porno directed by Quentin Tarentino.   There will be a lot of “what the hell just happened” moments to go around, and the characters are pretty likeable as well.  It is a guilty pleasure type show, but the episodes will keep you at the edge of your seat for a solid hour.  If you like crazy Sci-Fi and adult themes, I would highly recommend this show.  It’s great.

Breaking Bad
I shouldn’t have even put this on the list because it belongs in the “if you haven’t seen this show you have no taste” category.  But this is honestly the best show I have ever watched.  It revolves around a high school chemistry teacher who gets diagnosed with lung cancer.  With trying to support his family and his hospital bills, my man is having a hard time staying afloat.  So, like any sensible person, he decides to join forces with a high school drop out and start cooking meth.  HOW AWESOME IS THAT!  Breaking Bad cranks the intensity up to insanely high levels throughout the seasons.  There will be times where not a word is said, but you’ll be bouncing your knee wondering what the hell is going to happen.  The writing is top notch and the characters are outstanding.  Walter White will become your new favorite character of any show, guaranteed (sorry Bodie).  So if you haven’t started watching this master piece, go to the nearest blockbuster and rent season one, you won’t regret it. 
Oh and sorry about the new addiction.  Actually, no, you’re welcome.

Arrested Development
Talk about a series that saw its end way too quickly.  Arrested Development is currently my favorite comedy series of all time.   You will be introduced to Michael Bluth, a man who is trying to keep his family together after his wealthy father gets thrown in prison.  From a son who wants to fuck his cousin, to a brother in-law who has never been nude, there are so many memorable characters in this show that you cannot help but love it. There were only three seasons of the show, so it’s not a huge commitment. But it is a refreshing comedy that doesn’t revolve around shit jokes and screaming, and that is a good thing.

So there you have it, three shows that should keep you away from your books as much as possible.  Because, as we all know, we only study the night before tests anyway. 

Lounge Chair Legends. 

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