Sunday, September 18, 2011

Entourage: The Worst Show Everyone Watched

Entourage finally came to an end on Sunday, and to no avail it was awful.  I watched every second of every episode of Entourage, and looking back I have to ask myself “why?”  I will be fair though.  After the first two seasons I thought this show was going to be the best show in the history of cable programming, but then the same shit happened over, and over, and over again.  It started to become the most predictable show of all time. In every season there is a little drama around Vince and the rest of the entourage’s life that always got settled and the result makes their life ten times better than it was to start with.

The biggest case of this was in season five.  Vince’s movie “Medellen” was released to the public and it was a colossal bomb.  No one went to see it, critics hated it, and it was bought for one dollar by a studio executive.   Through the entire season, it was the fallout of Vincent Chase.  He was getting his lines taken away on “Smoke Jumpers”, he couldn’t get an audition, he was getting rejected for TV roles, and he was plummeting to C-List status.  Vince and the Entourage had no choice but to head back to New York and go back to their lives before all the stardom.  Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse for ol’ Vince, one of the biggest directors in the history of the world, Martian Scorsese, calls up Vince and says that he wants him to star in his adaptation of The Great Gatsby.  OF FUCKING COURSE HE WOULD!  WHY WOULDN’T MARTAIN SCORSESE WANT A FALLING STAR TO BE THE LEAD IN A HUGE MOVIE! BULLSHIT!  This kind of ridiculousness (shout out to Rob Dyrdek) would happen all the time, to everyone.  Nothing bad ever happens to these guys and it gets annoying as hell.

Another example:  Turtle hasn’t done one god damn thing this entire series.  He rides the coat tails of Vince and drives him around, and that’s pretty much it.  But during season seven, Turtle somehow strikes gold by a.) Getting with a hot ass latina woman b.) This hot girl’s dad, or uncle, or whatever the fuck he is, happens to be starting up a tequila company, and c.) He gets to be involved in the United States branch of “Avion”…Come on.  Come the fuck on.  All because Vincent Chase is his friend, Turtle gets to be part of a huge liquor company. 

Like I said above, Turtle gets an opportunity to be part of the U.S. branch of Avion.  Well just like any self respecting guy, Turtle turns down the offer because he doesn’t want to make his money that way (of course) and he wants to start something else by himself (once again I call bullshit because if anyone was offered that same deal, they would be scrambling around trying to find a pen to sign the damn piece of paper).  Well needless to say Turtle fails at his new ambition, an Italian restaurant, and is back to square one with no money, and no success.  Later on in the season, Avion calls Turtle and tells him that they decided to sell the company, and of course Turtle doesn’t have any stock left because he gave it all up. 

When it rains it pours huh?  Poor Turtle.  He just can’t catch a break.  So Turtle sadly tells Vince that they sold Avion, and he missed out on his opportunity to get rich.  But as lady luck would have it, Vince somehow knew this was going to happen and bought a ton of stock in Avion.  He makes like 34 million dollars and gives four million to Turtle.  So Turtle essentially becomes a millionaire by doing absolutely nothing.  Are you fucking kidding me?

**Here’s a little side rant for your asses real quick; how does Turtle know all of these huge musicians and sports stars?  Why the hell would any of these guys give a shit who Turtle was?   “Oh I need some help starting up a god damn Italian restaurant; I better call up Mark Teixeira and Amare Stoudamire and see if they want to help me with the business.”  AND OF COURSE THEY DO! This was one of my biggest pet peeves on this show. 

Another problem I had with the show is that the creators thought that we gave a shit about “E” for some reason.  No one cares about E; he’s a whiney bitch that has an overly hot girlfriend that the creators keep around way to long too.  E was by far the worst character on the show, hands down.  For the entire series Eric’s story revolved around him and his girlfriend Sloan’s love affair.  I bet you can guess what happens to their relationship.  They split up and got back together on two separate (maybe even more) occasions during the show. On the first episode of the last season, you see that Eric and Sloan split up after being married because E wouldn’t sign a pre-nump, or some other bullshit that just doesn’t matter.  It gets pretty sickening after a while. 

The only characters that had me coming back to the show were Ari Gold and Johnny Drama.  Drama was the funniest character on the show.  He was just so damn retarded (sterling) that you had to laugh at him.   Who else gets so self-conscious about their calf muscles that they contemplating getting implants?  Only Drama.  Everything from him reminiscing about Viking Quest, to him having to skype his girlfriend in Sweden, everything he does is hilarious. 

Ari was the back bone of the entire show.  He was the arrogant asshole that everybody loved.  Ari fixed all the problems, and Ari set everything up for Vince.  Without Ari, there is no show.  But the writers made a crucial mistake with Ari’s character along the way the finale…they decided to give him a heart.  DUMB IDEA!  Everyone loved Ari because he was such a colossal dick, so instead they made his character a family man who loved his wife and kids to death.  They throw in this plot loop of Ari’s wife (who I still have no idea what her name is) wanting a divorce which leaves to Ari being an emotional wreck and a big pussy.  But just like every other tragic problem on this show, Ari and his wife work everything out and Ari quits his job at the agency.  Saw that coming from 15 miles away. 

**Here is where I think the creators missed big.  In my opinion they should have made Ari the main character and instead of staying with Vince and the wonder turds all series, they could have brought in new celebrities and had new characters every season.  Very wire esc. 

But for all the rinse, wash, and repeat that this show was guilty of, it had people coming back season after season.  The feeling that you were a part of this superstar lifestyle was very appealing to normal people.  Just to hang out with these four friends for a half an hour a week while they buy Maseratis, hook up with incredible women, and kick it with celebrities was pretty appealing.

**Another side note.  They made a very crucial mistake in the last season by not including any tittie balls or sex.  That was a huge part of this show and they really dropped the ball on that department.

I’m not going to say I hated Entourage, but it just sucked.  With a big screen adaptation looming in the horizon, it’s hard to believe that people will actually go and see an Entourage movie.  I will assume the diehards will go to it, but that’s about it.  After it was all said and done, I have to say that I wasted a lot of time on Entourage as it never reached its full potential.  

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