Thursday, September 8, 2011

Fall TV Preview

Well, it’s back to school for all you 5th year seniors and you are probably going to need something to watch on TV when you are not studying….I mean drinking. And don’t get upset about me calling you 5th  year seniors because I would be right there with you had my dumbass not dropped out of school and then turned down UWEC like a retard. Globe University is a great school right??? Just trying to get rich on this blog, so read up. Back to the point, there is a great TV schedule coming up in the next two months and I am excited to tell you about it Before I do, if you do not watch TV or have cable, you can’t hate on my expertise (you know who you are). There are a lot of great returning shows and a few new shows on tap that I think are going to blow your mind like the time I found out I was a failed abortion(Neil helped me out with that simile so don’t get mad at me and it is really funny anyways).

Sons of Anarchy- September 6th

I don’t really know why I included this show because after watching season one, I think it is overrated. The premise is a group of bikers ride around, steal, rape and pillage everything. I mean, knowing that Hell’s Angels is a bunch of washed up, old dudes makes this show a little less appealing. Bad choice to start on so just ignore this one. I’m about as off on this one as Lebrick taking a game winning shot.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia- September 15th

This is probably my favorite comedy on TV right now. It is about five of the dumbest people you will meet who own a pub in Philadelphia called “Paddy’s.” They come up with scams to try to beat high gas prices and the mortgage situation, only to have them fail completely and hilariously. They even purchase a gun to protect their pub after it gets robbed only to turn into maniac gun lunatics leading to one of them getting grazed in the head by a bullet. A great, great comedy for those who have a sense of humor. If you don’t find the joke about abortion funny, then you should probably shouldn’t watch this and go back to baking cookies or something.

Roast of Charlie Sheen- September 19th

Well, if you haven’t heard about Charlie Sheen yet, I’m gonna guess you are living under a rock so either check out YouTube or follow him on Twitter. He has absolutely lost his mind and is going to get torn apart in a few weeks. He went from making a million+ an episode on Two and  a Half Men to being coked out 24/7 (coke and hooker parties are only fun a few times a week Charlie, not every night). The main idea of a roast is to take some “popular” celebrity and just rip their life apart. Netflix is a great place to check out past roasts and they are all hilarious. R.I.P. Greg Giraldo. Charlie Sheen is going to be the Michael Jordan of roasts and there will be enough coke there to please Whitney, Bobby and every rock band from the 70’s and 80’s.

Blue Mountain State- September 21st

Another comedy to return for its third season is Blue Mountain State. It’s like the movie Varsity Blues, but a lot funnier. The story follows a talented high school quarterback who makes his way to Blue Mountain State (apparently they are a D-1 powerhouse) to work only hard enough to be the backup quarterback. The main character Alex does this just to get what can only be referred to as “trickle down pussy,” something that nobody in our household knows about because Coltan Ellis can’t bring any home for us. It might sound dumb, because it is, but what would you know? You probably think Modern Family is the greatest comedy ever.

Boardwalk Empire- September 25th

All you need to know about this show is that the pilot episode cost roughly $18 million and Martin Scorsese was involved with it. “Nucky” Thompson returns for a second season as a corrupt politician (wait, a crooked politician? No shit?) during the prohibition era. Season one started slowly but built up speed and season two trailers make it seem like Nucky has a lot of new enemies and problems. This show deals with tobacco, booze, and killing. It’s like my life all wrapped up in one show. Steve Buscemi puts on his best performance, topping his role as a psychotic killer in Con Air who wore a girl’s head through three states as a hat.

Real World San Diego- September 28th

The Real World Las Vegas may have ruined this series for years to come as it was awesome. The cast for San Diego already looks disappointing and I know nothing about them. Of course I am still going to watch it though as I have become hooked to shit ass MTV shows such as The Real World, The Challenge: Rivals, Awkward, The Hard Time of RJ Berger, and Jersey Shore. There is still potential in this season because when you put seven strangers in a house and they stop acting all polite and shit and start being real, mad real, anything can happen.

Dexter- October 2nd

Wouldn’t it be cool to be a blood spatter expert who kills serial killers on the side? I mean, there are quite a few people that I would “take care of.” Well, that is Dexter in a nutshell. The main idea of the show has been repetitive throughout the first 5 seasons but season 4 was out of this world, followed but a very satisfying season 5. Dexter is a silky smooth show and I am excited to find out how it will end one day. I kind of hope he gets discovered because if I were in his shoes, I would want everyone to know how awesome I was and my name would be etched into history as if it was engraved on the Stanley Cup (I am still pissed that Badger Dad and Roberg got to touch it, AHHH!).

American Horror Story- October 5th

Nobody seems to know anything about this show as the promos have only shown some creepy ass people walking around some old, crooked house. The little information that has leaked tells that this show is going to tell how a therapist and his family uncover the deep, dark history of their house. The one knock on this show is that the house looks like something from Beetlejuice. Why the hell would they move into it in the first place? Nothing good is to come from this creepy show of a mansion. I’ll check out an episode or two just to see what’s up.

The League- October 6th

The League is a cross between It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and your annual fantasy football league. It is a super funny comedy where verbal abuse is encouraged and their fantasy league trophy is named after a girl from their high school. So what? We may have copied this idea for the Grem Grem Bowl. If you can figure out who it is, good for you. I expect more crazy antics and football player cameos as season 3 gets under way.    

The Walking Dead- October 16th

One of my favorite new shows from last year follows a police officer who awakens from a coma after being shot to find out the world has literally turned into the walking dead. This show is developed for TV by none other than Frank Darabont (yes, that is the mufucka who directed The Shawshank Redemption, only the greatest movie ever made. If you haven’t seen it, just stop reading now because you have no taste in entertainment). This might be nerdy as shit, but the makeup from this show is unreal. I literally pooped my pants a couple of times because the zombies looked so real. The first season was only 6 episodes, so it is definitely worth a look in your spare time.

Hell on Wheels- November 6th

I’m just going to start this out by saying this show is going to premiere on AMC. If you haven’t noticed, other than HBO and Showtime, AMC is the premiere cable channel on TV followed by FX. Everything else doesn’t even come close. Hell on Wheels follows Cullen Bohannon, a man dead set on revenge of Union soldiers who killed his wife during the Civil War. He heads west, working on the Continental Railroad along his search for revenge. Just watch this trailer and tell me it is not going to be remarkable.

East Bound and Down

East Bound and Down does not have a release date for season 3 yet, but you should keep an eye out for Kenny Powers. It is the very comical story of a baseball star who gets caught for juicing and ends up back in his home town as the worst gym teacher in history. He struggles to find himself and eventually heads for Mexico where he decides to give baseball a second chance. It reminds me of Jose Canseco but instead of going to Mexico, he ends up on some horseshit reality TV show on VH1. If you enjoy dumb humor, this is a show for you and trust me, it is 10 times better than Land of the Lost. That movie sucked ass Ben.

Breaking Bad- Sunday nights at 9p.m.

A cancerous chemistry teacher decides to cook meth with a former student. Nuff said? The 9th episode of season 4 will air this Sunday and I’m going to recommend you try and get caught up before the 5th and final season next year. This show ranks 2nd among my all time favorites right now in front of The Sopranos and behind The Wire (Also 2 great, great shows to check out). I think when it’s all said and done, Breaking Bad will be considered one of the greatest shows ever written. It’s that good. The season 3 finale left you with a bigger cliffhanger than any you have ever had in the bathroom. The main character from the season 4 premiere was a box cutter. That is how good this show is. It continues to outdo itself and I am more excited about what is going to happen in the show than what is going on in my own life. If you decide on one show from this list, make it this one. You will thank me later.

Lounge Chair Legends

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