Wednesday, September 7, 2011

NFC East Preview

Here is the second installment of my NFL Preview for 2011.

Dallas Cowboys
 It seems like the past few years, all the experts expected the Cowboys to take that next step. After watching them over those seasons we have only figured out three things:

1.) Tony Romo forgets how to play football (and hold long snaps) in the playoffs.
2.) For some reason, Julius Jones was a good running back in the post season.
3.) Nobody can really tell if Wade Phillips has any other emotions other than that confused/constipated look he sports so well.

There is no question that the Cowboys are talented. With Miles Austin emerging as a terrific wide out, Jason Witten being a reliable crutch for Romo, and Dez Bryant ready for a breakout season; the Cowboys could be a fun show to watch this year. Their defense is still anchored by quarterback nightmare Demarcus Ware, and their secondary will play well enough to keep them in games.

They have a pretty playable schedule this year, with the NFC East playing the NFC West. They are good enough to beat the power house Eagles at least once this year and Jason Garrett will take the top off this offensive unit. When Wade Phillips finally got canned last year, Garrett took over as interim head coach and went 5-3 (those three losses coming by a total of seven points combined) with John “Miracle Man” Kitna under center.

Vegas season win predictions: 9. I’m definitely taking the over

New York “Football” Giants
More shit seems to happen to Tom Coughlin recently than any other coach in the league it seems. He has been on a perennial hot seat for about three fucking years now because his team loves to shit away great opportunities. They started out the 2009 season on a five game win streak to ultimately finish 9-7. Last season, they were one damn punt out of bounds from making the playoffs (AND HELPED THE DAMN PACKERS STAY ALIVE IN THE PLAYOFF HUNT! I HATE YOU!).


Eli had a sneaky good season last year. He threw for 31 touchdowns and 4,002 yards. Ok, so his 25 picks isn’t really making you believe me probably, but that is still a better than average year for him. He has an up and coming collection of wide receivers in Hakeem Nicks and Mario Manningham, and they should be able to produce good numbers for him once again.

Ahmad Bradshaw emerged as a play maker, gaining 1,235 yards and 8 touchdowns, as well as 47 grabs to go along with it. Brandon Jacobs didn’t disappear either. After hammer throwing his helmet in to the stands, and starting the year off with a slow start, Jacobs rushed for 823 yards and 9 scores with a 5.6 yard average. If the Giants can get this thunder and lightning duo going again, look out for their rushing attack.

Their defense is always tough, but they are facing some setbacks. Osi Umenyiora had knee surgery recently and is currently looking at a week 3 return against the Eagles. Knee surgeries are tricky bitches, and it is still up in the air if that is actually going to return then. Rookie cornerback Prince Amukamara will be out till week 5 with a foot injury, setting back his progression as the next star corner. Terrell Thomas, another starting corner, is out for the season as well, causing big questions in the secondary.

Vegas Wins Prediction: 9 ½. Taking the under on this one. Too many injury questions and Eli’s erratic play can’t push me over on this.

Philadelphia Eagles
I don’t know if you heard, but the Eagles spent a little money this off season. Jesus Christ. They have arguably the best corner duo in the league by landing Nnamdi Asomugha to go along with Asante Samuel and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie. They signed former Miami Dolphins running back Ronnie Brown to help add depth to their running back position that already includes Lesean McCoy. They also gave Vick another weapon in the form of Steve Smith (or as we call him now “The Good Steve Smith”) to go along with a great young receiving core of Jeremy Maclin (if he ever recovers from whatever the hell disease he had) and Desean Jackson. This team made all the right moves in the off season to bolster a roster that made the playoffs just this last year. There’s not much else I can say about this team. They’re in route for a DEEP playoff run

Vegas Wins Prediction: 10 ½. I will take the over. But let’s be honest, if Vick goes down, you have to put your faith in Vince Young. I don’t care how many weapons the Madden 08 cover boy has, it’s still Vince Young.

Washington Redskins
Oh Lord…Washington is in some big, big trouble this year. To start things off, they lose an already washed up quarterback in Donavan McNabb, and put the ball in the hands of none other than…Rex Grossman. Ick. Now I know my man has been to a Super Bowl, but it’s fucking Rex Grossman.

Their offense is also dog shit terrible. Santana Moss is an above average wide out and he is complimented by tiny ass Anthony Armstrong and Jabar Gaffney. So, I state again, ick.

Their defense is also a nightmare. They gave up the second most yards per game, second most passing yards, seventh most rushing yards, and eleventh most points per game. And once again, ick. They lose Albert Haynesworth who, beyond popular demand, is a really good defensive lineman. So that won’t help their cause getting to the quarterback and plugging the holes.

I guess the only bright spot on this team is Tim Hightower, and I’m not even comfortable typing that he’s going to be a bright spot. But he has had a hell of a pre-season, and Shannahan produces 1,000 yard rushers in his sleep.

But anyway they’re going to suck ass, no question about it.

Vegas Wins Prediction: 6 ½. Yeeaaahhhhh give me the under.

Final standings

Eagles: 12-4

Cowboys: 10-6

Giants: 8-8

Redskins: 5-11

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