Okay, before we get started here, a couple of you might be wondering why I didn’t finish the season previews for each division. To be honest, it was boring the shit out of me after a while, school had started, and I decided to get drunk over writing. Those bastards took a long time, and our editor (who I will not name, but it rhymes with Back Smellis) took his sweet time getting them back to me. If you really wanted to read more of them, I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure none of you really give a shit. But
In the future I will promise that once I start something I will finish it.
Now let’s get back to the real article
I woke up on Thursday probably the happiest I have ever been in a good year or so. Football was back and I was welcoming it with open arms. Not only was it the first official night of the NFL Season, but the first official start of my march to the top of every fantasy league I’m in. That’s how I was feeling on Thursday, but by the end of last night’s Broncos-Raiders game I was viciously searching the waiver wire looking for anything that will help my God forsaken squads. My expectations didn’t meet reality, and I ran into the wall they call Ray Rice in two leagues, so that really put a damper on the victory lap (also lost a ten dollar drunken bet with a buddy of mine, so obviously he’s never getting that money. Sorry Mi Boi).
But I have to say, this was one of the best first weeks of football we had in a while. There was a lot of craziness and close games to go around.
So without further ado, here are the top five things to take away from week one of the NFL season.
Maybe we need to wake up a little bit to the Bears.
There have been a lot of doubters out there hating on the Chicago Bears, myself included. But they came out on Sunday and kicked the shit out of the Falcons. I was shocked. Their defense looked stellar, causing the Falcons to turn the ball over three times, and never let them score an offensive touchdown. That is pretty impressive.
Jay Cutler even looked good…and I don’t say that often. Cutler threw for 312 yard along with two touchdowns. He threw one fluky interception to a defensive end, but that rarely happens (well, for most quarterbacks). Matt Forte was running strong and proved once again that he is a versatile weapon by being able to get out of the backfield and catch some balls. The only problem with this team though, is that they still have no idea who their number one wide out is. Cutler threw the ball evenly to his receivers, but nobody really stepped up. If they want to really take the next step, one of these guys needs to prove that he’s got it (and I know damn well that it isn’t going to be Roy Williams).
You can say whatever you want, but the Bears shut down one of the most explosive, if not the most explosive, offenses in the game. They have a very tough matchup on Sunday when they have to go to New Orleans and play the Saints. There is no way the Bears win this game, but they made a point that teams should watch out for them.
Kansas City is done for.
After one game, I can confidently say that Kansas City will be one of the bottom five teams in the NFL this year. They looked awful. Kansas City helped Ryan Fitzpatrick look like a god damn pro bowler. They actually made people hear the name of the Bills tight end Scott Chandler, and nobody has ever heard of Scott Chandler.
Eric Berry is lost for the season, which will be a huge blow to their secondary. Their offense looked like a junior varsity squad, with their “stud” wide receiver Dwayne Bowe getting just two catches for 17 yards. Quarterback Matt Cassell threw the ball 36 times and only gained 119 yards. What the fuck. I don’t even think Jamal Charles can help keep this team afloat. They just rolled over against the Bills and I think they know, they won’t be making it back to the playoffs this year.
They go to Detroit Sunday where the Lions are off a big road win and looking to keep the momentum going. Stafford is ready to pick apart that secondary and if Fred Jackson gained 112 yards, Jahvid Best should have a field day.
Welcome to the race for Andrew Luck Kansas City…you’ll need him.
McNabb is no help in Minnesota…at least for his first game.
There were some big moves this offseason in the NFL, if you didn’t hear. One of the bigger ones was McNabb going to Minnesota. I actually though that McNabb would be a great help to the struggling offense that we saw last year. The problem that arises is that he didn’t, at all. His first game with the Vikings he just threw for an abysmal, awful, fecal matter esc 39 yards. I don’t care if you have Rice Lake Middle school football for the rest of your team, you think you would be able to scrounge up more than 39 yards.
Percy Harvin proved to be their go to playmaker. They would throw to him, and they would have him coming out of the backfield and run the ball as well. The thing that surprised me was that Bernard Berrian didn’t even get one catch. He got only a few looks, but McNabb didn’t even try to throw to him. He is by far their best deep threat, and I believe that if they tried to spread the field out they would have had some more success. They valued the run and short Percy action too much.
McNabb can use the lock out excuse if he wants. He didn’t get enough time with his guys in the pre season and he is still probably learning the playbook. But being a quarterback of his history and talent, you would think that he will redeem himself. If there is another shitty performance out of McNabb, I think the Vikings will be better off throwing Christian Ponder into the fire.
Cam Newton looks really, really good.
Cam came out on Sunday and showed us why he was taken number one. My boy fucking killed it. He tied the rookie passing record with 422 yards (previously held by future hall of famer and future MVP Matt Stafford…or something like that). That is pretty insane. He also showed his mobility by running for a score and rushing for a total of eight times.
One thing that Newton should get more credit for, is that he brought Steve Smith back from the grave that he was currently four feet deep in. He targeted him the most of anyone and Smith had eight catches and 178 yards and both of Newton’s touchdowns.
I’m very interested to see if Cam can keep it going next week. Which will be a very, very tough order as the Panthers host the Green Bay Packers in what should be a colossal ass whoopin’.
It is as bad as we thought in Indy.
If this doesn’t prove that Peyton Manning is the best player in the NFL, nothing will. This team got routed by the Houston Texans and couldn’t get the ball moving on offense whatsoever. I know it’s hard when you have Kerry Collins’s corpse under center, but Houston had one of the worst defenses in the league last season. They don’t get that good over night.
If Manning’s neck is as bad as it seems, this team will be in the bottom five teams in the NFL. No question. If your offense has to rely on a dead quarterback and Joseph Addai…you are fucked for sure.
They play Cleveland next week and they could potentially with this game, but it all revolves around Collins.