I don’t know the history of Oktoberfest or why it is spelled the way it is or why it is in September but I do know that my German heritage can throw a festival. If you can explain it, holla at a playa when you see him in the streets. I wasn’t sure on how to write about Oktoberfest so I just decided to go with my personal experience and the things that I remembered and thought were funny. Without further ado, the 2011 Oktoberfest through my eyes (without the pictures I took because asshat Colt Dale is too scared to email them to me).
The weekend started with a hour and a half laugh filled car ride from Eau Claire to Lacrosse (It’s La Crosse, not LAX) with only 3 pit stops, which was surprising. If you were walking on the sidewalk when my tan Chevy Cavalier rolled down Lacrosse Street, you were probably a casualty to Joe, Kiel, and Neil’s verbal abuse and I apologize. Nah, actually I don’t, because that stuff was hilarious. Suck it up. Next, came driving around the block like a dog chasing his tail because there were 374 cars parked in the 2 square block area we were trying to park which was some bullshit. Parked and unloaded, (we ended up with a VIP spot if you were wondering) the booz came out and the night kicked off with a 50/50 of fruit punch and everyone’s favorite Taaka vodka which sells for a cool $8.79 when on sale.
With everyone being a fan and the Brewer game turned on, the party got rolling. Later in the night, Tommy Tough Guy Neil tried to take the title from Zach as some hipster almost got his head whooped in for reasons I can’t remember. I’m gonna say around 11 p.m. we decided to start the 26.2 mile walk to the bars and I know we made a pit stop at Jen’s apartment Friday night but I can’t remember when that was so, whatever. The first and I believe only stop Friday night was at The Library where we went to meet our favorite punter/bouncer who we ended up not seeing anyways but it was still a good time. The night ended with Neil and I walking through the drive thru at Little Caesar’s to get a couple of $5.28 pizzas.
Saturday morning began 5 hours too early at 9 or so. The kegs rolled out of the trunk and drinking began but not for me. Me and some others hooligans took a stroll down to the parade and hung out for 15 minutes before realizing that parades suck ass. Back to the party, 30 or so people have shown up and Saturday at Oktoberfest had kicked off. There were bean bags, beer pong, foosball, and flip cup. All of the most entertaining, fun, family yard games. The main event of the day was supposed to be a 20 team flip cup tournament but host Josh W was too incapacitated to handle it so of course Badger Dad Bina came to the rescue and set everything up after he was done putting his gargoyle show on. I think at one point he spent 20 straight minutes just standing on the keg looking like a kid in a candy store. The tournament was b.s. from the start as team #Bonerjamz lost in the first round as I had nothing to do with us losing. Team Asian Persuasion or whatever their team name was, took down the $50 1st place prize after 4 kegs and 2 half hour breaks from getting the last 2 kegs.
After the last keg ran out, Kwik Trip’s beer business picked up as people began gravitating to their cold ass beer cooler to pick up some 30 packs. Hell, even I was pitching in to buy beer because some ass clown decided to jack my Taaka. Don’t worry, I believe that you went out and bought that bottle that morning because everybody buys it. F it though, that kid got a fist in the face or just got tackled, I couldn’t tell. 20 minutes later some turd is pissing out of the upstairs window, which I found quite funny. Zach berates the kid at first but then befriends him as any good man would do. This is say, 4 p.m. and there was still plenty of drinking to do.
Fast forward the night to about 10 when I think we decided to go out, there was more of the same. Shots and drinks at The Library as this time we were able to see the 4th best punter in the nation bounce the shit out of the place. Once again the night ends with some Little Caesar’s pizza that was locked up in my car where the scavengers couldn’t get to it. The next morning we woke up and drove home. Only 2 windows and 2 doors got raped during the weekend so that was a win. I know I skimmed a lot of stuff that happened during the weekend but I’m hungry, Extreme Couponing is on and to tell you the truth, I don’t give a shit (get the movie reference?).
I decided to throw this in at the end because it was probably the funniest picture from the weekend. This is Alex "Badger Dad" Bina outside of the bar The Library acting like a drunk turd. Sorry Anna, your boyfriend made the blog again.
The Lounge Chair Legends