Monday, June 4, 2012

2012 MTV Movie Awards

Year in and year out, the MTV Movie Awards continues to elevate their status as a premier awards show...........hahah wow, that hurt to type. One thing they are sure good at though is picking the worst movies as the best. I'm not sure if a new, even shittier Twighlight movie came out in the last year but I am going to predict that it or The Hunger Games wins every award. I figured they would actually have critics choose the award winners, not 13 year old, over privileged girls. Anyways, I got this sumbitch on DVR and I am going to watch it and give sterling reviews of the awards and show as a whole.

Well, the show opens with a We Are Young performance by Fun. I shouldn't have expected anything less than the most overplayed song of the year(I enjoy it but damn, every other song on the radio?). I also think Janelle Monet is very underrated. A few years back, she was the side performer a the ESPY's and she was great.

Russell Brand is the host and I'm not sure what to make of this. He's got that new comedy show coming out on Fx later this month that I guess I will check out. That's too bad for Katy Perry(I think they are still together, I really don't give a shit).

He makes a reference to these awards being "special" and that gives me a chuckle. He also keeps saying Twighlight and Hunger Games, so I am guessing that my prediction is going to be correct.

Mila Kunis(damn) and Marky Mark come out to present the award for Best Onscreen Dirt Bag. This is a stupid ass award but it does go to the still, somehow hot, Jennifer Aniston for her role in Horrible Bosses(really funny movie, Charlie Day steals the show).

After an intriguing commercial break, Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield present the award for Best Breakthrough Performance. The award goes to Shailene Woodley from The Descendants. This surprises me as The Descendants is actually a good movie. Apparently security was slacking a little.

Promos for a new Teen Mom and a show called Snooki & Jwoww make me throw up during the commercial break. I didn't like that breakfast anyways.

Emma Watson and two tweens(dumbest demographic name ever) throw out the nominees for Best Male Performance. No shit, the award goes to Josh Hutcherson of The Hunger Games. I didn't see this one coming. I feel like getting some rope already as Ryan Gosling got robbed. He gave one hell of a performance in Drive and the soundtrack alone should win movie of the year.

Kristen "gross ass" Stewart and Chris Hemsworth present Best Female Performance. The winner is obviously Jennifer Lawrence for The Hunger Games. The least deserving performance wins again. The award really should have gone to Rooney Mara for her performance in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I'm amazed so far at how many performances in good movies that have been nominated though.

Oh no, Charlie Sheen is now on stage to do something crazy. Guess not, he just sets up a video about what cult party classics need to have in them then presents Wiz Khalifa as a performer. For having that much money, Wiz could stand to eat a sandwich or 70. I enjoyed the performance of Work Hard, Play Hard but all I can think about is how he only raps about smoking weed. Goddamn, there has got to be something else to rap about.

This is what annoys the shit out of me about the MTV award shows, the group of people close to the stage that get paid to act like they like Wiz while holding up empty red cups. Not cliche at all.

The cast of this years shitty Adam Sandler movie presents the award for Best Kiss. Stupid ass Twilight wins this stupid award again. Ugh.

Two old, homeless looking dudes from this thing called Aerosmith give a meaningless generation award to Johnny Depp. I can't believe that Johnny Depp would lower himself to this level. He's way too good for this. He does perform with The Black Keys and it is actually semi entertaining.

Hot ass Charlize Theron and some co-star bum from the film Prometheus(looks tiiiiiiight cause Stringer Bell is in it) to present the award for Best Fight. The Hunger Games wins. Yayyyyy..............

I don't know what's going on now but Jessica Biel and some other dime are on stage. Ooooooooooooooooooh. Oh, Best Cast. In a surprise,(at least to me) Arry Pottair wins. Really thought Woody Harrelson brought enough to The Hunger Games by himself to win this one.

Before a commercial break, the Best Hero award goes to Harry Potter. Then after the break, Best On-Screen Transformation goes toooooooooo, The Hunger Games. Elizabeth Banks wins it then in turn, gets gang banged on stage. Only at the MTV Awards.

Emma Stone(Fucking Jules) wins some Trailblazer Award. There is a funny collage of other actors making fun of her while "congratulating" her. I can't decide if she is super hot or just kinda hot. I'll stick with just kinda hot for right now.


It was kinda cool so see Christian Bale choke up over seeing ma boy Heath(R.I.P. dog) in a clip from The Dark Knight. He gave one of the best performances I've ever seen as The Joker and this movie looks even better. This will be one of those movies that is actually worth paying $10+ for.

Gross. Jodie Foster(Contact was one of the dumbest movies ever made) is presenting the Movie Of The Year Award and OFFFF FUCKINGGG COURRRRSE it goes to Twilight. I just threw up again. Have you heard of the movie Drive?????

Well, overall the show sucked and the awards were all wrong but that's what I had come to expect. In that sense, the show didn't disappoint one bit. Until the next shitty MTV award show comes around, I'm out like Michael J. Fox in a game of Jenga(I stole this joke because it is hilarious).

The Lounge Chair Legends

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