2012 ESPY AWARD PICK EM'
Before tonight's festivities begin. Walker and I decided to do a few picks and see if we can match up with the nation.
BEST MALE ATHLETE
Joe's Pick: I'm going to have to go with my man Lebron James on this one. He finally got a ring, his third MVP award, and, most importantly, shut the mouths of all his critics. I can't vote for Novak Djokavic based on the fact that I could never spell his name orally. Aaron Rodgers would get my vote if he didn't play for the most obnoxious fan base in the world.
Eric's Pick: I am also going to have to go with Bron Bron. Other than Usain Bolt(holds the title of the fastest human ever), Bron Bron is probably the best athlete of our generation and like Smeagol, he chased and finally got that elusive ring. Oh yeah, suck it Turd Rodgers.
BEST FEMALE ATHLETE
Joe's Pick: Can you deny Brittney Griner of this award? She could beat a third of the women's NCAA teams out there by herself. Barring a gender test (which I'm about 65% sure would result in her being a man), she is my Female Athlete of the year.
Eric's Pick: Since I had her in 2nd place for Best Male Athlete, I think Brittney Griner will take home Best Female Athlete. She averaged 5 blocks a game this year! That's video game material and I will be buying NBA 2k13 just to get her on my team. All jokes aside, she is probably the most dominant female athlete I have ever seen.
BEST CHAMPIONSHIP PERFORMANCE
Joe's Pick: Tony Steward put together one of the greatest Sprint Cup chases we've ever seen...I'm just playing, fuck NASCAR. You can't tell me that sweating and turning a wheel constitutes as a sport. In that case, I play this sport every day I drive to work.
I'm giving this award to Lebron James. Averaging a double-double in the finals and propelling your team to a damn near sweep against a young powerhouse says a lot. Get used to seeing this guy nominated for this category for years to come. The King is finally on his throne.
Eric's Pick: David Freese, Bron Bron, and Jonathan Quick all have real arguments to take this one home but the trophy is going home to South Beach even though Eli should really get this one as he won another Super Bowl while playing with a face like that. As for Tony Stewart, hahahahhaaha no.
BEST BREAKTHROUGH ATHLETE
Robert Griffin III
Joe's Pick: I like Gronk to win this one. Everyone loves football and he did have a crazy year (and you can't deny how dumb he is, and I love dumb players). The only other person I can see winning this one is Lin based on the craziness that surrounded him this year, as well as the incredible voting turnout from Asia.
Eric's Pick: Without a doubt, I think this one is going to Jeremy Lin. As Joe mentioned, 13 billion Chinese will be voting for him even though I think he is Korean. Davis and Gronk make great cases but I can only hope that RG3 wins just because I was on his case as he was mix-taping people in his freshman year at Baylor. Consolation award goes to Alex Morgan for being the hottest female athlete nominated(no, not you Lindsey Vonn).
BEST RECORD-BREAKING PERFORMANCE
Joe's Pick: They have to give this to Mariano Rivera. He has a record that will not be touched in a long time, unless they start using robots as closers. You can't deny the career the Sand Man has had, and he deserves to win this award.
Eric's Pick: Yes, Mariano should win but Drew Brees will win. America loves its gosh darn football and hopefully this trophy will convince Drew to sign a damn contract. It might be America's most popular sport but it also has America's most greedy athletes.