Thursday, January 30, 2014

The Real World Recap: The Exes Finally Arrive!

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So that special moment has finally arrived!  The Exes have finally moved into the house and all hell is about to break loose.  But before we get into the Exes side of the story, let’s recap a little what we learned on the fourth episode of The Real World: Ex-Plosion.

The show starts and shoots right out of the sexually infused gates.  The roommates are invited out by Arielle and her Ex-Girlfriend Ashley (the good one, not the one that has serious racial, and ownership issues) to an erotic dinner.  Apparently these are real things?  I only assumed these lived in the universe of Eyes Wide Shut, but I guess San Francisco is the hot spot for them.  Arielle’s master plan is to try to get the juices flowing between the budding relationship of Tom and Jamie so they will finally knock boots.  Well, her plan worked to perfection, but it also happened to put everyone else’s sex drives into overdrive as well.  Once everyone returned home it was an all out footrace to everyone’s respective sleeping / bathing quarters (seriously, Cory and Jenny, there are probably 2,000 better places to elope than in the public showers) so they can stat jumping on the good foot and doing the bad thing.  Everyone, that is, except for poor Jay, who’s only place of escape from all out sex madness was the confessional.  We’ll get back to Jay in just a little bit.

The big news after everyone wakes up from their sex induced comas was that Cory and Jenny have officially slapped the “friends with benefits” tag on their relationship.  As we know from past Real World seasons, that never really leads to anything positive.  So the fact that they did that was great.  Cory even said that “She can bring home guys, I can bring home girls, and we’re cool like that.”   Sure, Cory.  This is coming from a guy who flipped out on Jenny for kissing a girl at a gay bar.  You being calm and cool about this is the same as saying Smaug is calm and cool about hobbits breaking into his cave and stealing his treasure.  So that will most likely blow up in the upcoming episodes.

We also found out that Tom’s ex Hailey (who would never be on any other season of the Real World expect for this one) still has mad feelings for him after Jenny found an email that she wrote to Tom.   This always seems to be a reoccurring thing with Tom.  There are countless times over the last four episodes where Tom mentions that he still has feelings for his ex.  He says things like “She was my first love” and “She will always be a great friend of mine no matter what.”  So that’s pretty much saying that this whole relationship will blow up in the next three episodes.

Now back to Jay.  Jay finally shows his true New Jersey colors in this episode…and it’s about damn time.  Throughout the season thus far Jay has said that he still has feelings for his ex and wants to work on their relationship so they can hopefully get back together in the future.  We can all agree that going away to be on the Real World is obviously the best way to do this, too.  So Jay’s ex Jenna is constantly keeping tabs on Jay, making sure that he is being faithful (even though they are not together) and won’t hurt her.  Of course Jay convinces her that he is being good and wouldn't do that to her.  SPOILER ALERT! He is doing exactly that to her.  Now, I've seen a lot of stupid people over the seasons of The Real World, but Jay is up there with some of the most stupid, which is very Jersey. 

When they go out to the bars Jay is always on a mission to grab phone numbers from girls that he meets.  When confronted by the producers about this he just simply states that he likes getting numbers and wouldn't want to do anything with them later in the night.  Alright, if that’s true, that is one of the creepiest things I've heard of.  What is the purpose of keeping a catalog of women’s numbers if you’re never going to use them?  Are you saving them just in case you have to repopulate the earth if everyone dies?  Are you just networking?  Who knows? 

But as we find out later on in the episode is that Jay is kind of a slimy dude.  Once again – very Jersey.  In his attempt to keep things straight with his ex, Jenna, we see him try to sneak around cameras at the bar in order to make out with a Tila Tequila look alike.  And when he thinks that the cameras are on him again he pushes the female away.  Look, Jay, you are constantly followed by at least a half dozen cameras at all times, and you think that you will be able to get away from them?  And when the gang finally gets back home he keeps nervously asking Cory if what he did at the bar will be on camera. Of course it will be, idiot!  Jay must also believe that if he isn’t on camera that live microphone that he is constantly wearing cannot be heard either.  It was an incredible display of intelligence.  So there will for sure be backlash of this situation that will just add on to the fact that Jenna already saw pictures of him dancing with girls at the bar on the internet.  Classic, Jay.

Later on in the episode the house receives a phone call from the producers informing them that they will be taking a trip.  This usually happens way later on in any normal season of the Real World, so this season, as we are seeing it, must be moving along on at a pretty good clip.  They go to Shasta Lake to live on a houseboat for a couple days, which is all an elaborate plan to get them out of the house in order to get things ready for when the exes come into town. 
This was very cool to see.  This is the first time that we actually got to see production make moves in front of the camera instead of the behind the scenes workings. It was very interesting to see them erect beds in the middle of completely trashed rooms as if it was a tulip sprouting in the middle of field covered in manure.  But after all the Ikea is moved in, we finally got to see the first glimpses of the exes in the house.  It was pretty awesome.

What was very interesting in all of this was that the exes were not told of the grand plan.  They all just assumed that they would be the new roommate that would move in after Ashley was voted out.  So the fact that production didn't even tell them that they would be joined by the other exes was very interesting.  I’m sure if they did they would have a few exes dropping out at the opportunity to be on the show.  Once they all found out what was going on, the exes were very shocked and intrigued at exactly what the fallout would be.
One statement was said during the episode that probably explains why this season of the Real World is different than any other season.  When being interviewed towards the end of the show, Arielle said “This is a Real World first. Everyone in the house gets along very, very well.  It will just be smooth sailing from here on out.”  I’m sure that production thought the same thing.  When they realized that this season was bringing nothing entertaining to the table in the drama department they had to make a quick and dire move.  Seeing that almost everyone in the house kept in constant contact with their ex lovers, they had to pull the trigger and bring in the reinforcements.  It’s pretty cool that they are allowing us to be behind the scenes with them as they manipulate the situation in order to make an entertaining product.  It’s like a little course in reality show production. 

When the exes finally arrived we finally got to see what everyone was really like.  Lauren, Cory’s ex, seems like she will be the crazy bitch of the exes.  Earlier in the episode she called Cory from a different phone number just so he would answer in order for her to yell at him for not keeping constant contact for a week’s time.  Her and Jenny will definitely be involved in some altercations in the future, and I hope it involves Jenny in a shower because that seems to be her safe place.  Tom’s ex Hailey, like I said before, doesn't seem like a girl that would ever sign up to be on the Real World.  She doesn't seem to be bringing anything interesting to the table except for a couple jars of boring sauce.  I’m sure Jamie will destroy her at some point.  We've already been introduced to Jay’s ex Jenna a few times during the first quartet of episodes.  When she was being interviewed for the first time, though, she seemed as though she is on the constant verge of tears whenever she is talked to. I’m sure Jay can do nothing but fuck up this situation, which, once again, is very Jersey.  And finally Jenny’s ex Brian looks like a typical juice head.  He speaks at the same decibel level that Vin Diesel does in all of his movies and doesn't seem to show any emotion what so ever.  I’m pretty sure he is just there to confront Cory and hopefully it turns into a no holds barred battle royal in the kitchen.   

When we finally reach the end of the episode the original cast members return home from their weekend on the lake and walk into the earth shattering realization that they will be sharing the same living quarters with their exes and their current flings, and seeing the preview for the next episode it already seems like the confrontation has begun and there will be bloodshed soon enough.  Fingers crossed!

Until next week, this has been your recap.

The Lounge Chair Legends 

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