Thursday, February 27, 2014

Real World Recap Ep. 6 and 7: Pregnancy, Doug, and Chemical Engineers

Alright, first off, I didn't do a recap last week.  I know, I know, I apologize to the one person that reads and actually enjoys it, but there really wasn't anything too important that happened.  The center of last week’s episode focused on Tom and Tom’s utter confusion and frustration of having two attractive women wanting his love and affection.  Times are tough aren't they, Tom? I mean, God, I really hate that too.  Anyway, Tom tells Jamie he hates relationships and titles and all that good stuff. They break it off.  Tom and Hailey start getting all lovey dovey again.  Jamie calls him a man child.  Tom touches Hailey’s leg in the club.  Jamie freaks out.  Tom and Jamie are back together officially with a label. It really was a lame episode that showed too much of Tom’s stupidity and not enough box jumping. 

Speaking of box jumping, Brain did have a few shining moments in last week’s episode. First off he uses “thought records” which are a thing, I guess?  The official definition goes as such: “A thought record is used for cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help identify problematic thought patterns.  When used in the treatment of anxiety, a most basic thought record usually includes: the situation in which anxiety was felt, the specific symptoms experienced, the automatic thoughts that were generated, and any rational alternative thoughts.”  I would pay at least ten dollars to see a collection of Brian’s thought records. I could only imagine that they would go something like this:

Brian’s Thought Record

Last night Jenny and our roommates went to a gay bar.  She made out with some female.  This caused me to feel in a way that is equivalent to a betrayed, depressed individual that is in a deep state of dark thought on a negative emotional level which then leads into a negative thought provoking state that initiated emotional reactions in which I responded negatively. I felt angry and betrayed and emotionally perplexed in a negative realm of living. I could not expel this negativity without inappropriate actions.

The automatic thought that came to my head was that I wanted to beat that other chick’s ass for touching my women like that.  I was also thinking about how high the top of that bar was because I think I could have totally jumped on, and or over it. 

My rational alternative thought was that I should just take another shot and yell at Jenny when we get home.

The End


As far as the other roommates go, not much else has happened.  We found out that Jenna didn’t do too well on her 5th grade spelling tests.  Loser, cheese, and Chinese really trip her up.  It’s alright, do your thing.  I can’t spell either.  Hailey has taken over Bird’s spot from last season and has been found more times on the couch than anywhere else.  So that’s nice. Cory and Lauren go out on a nice cable car date and instantly fall back in love.  Cable cars will do that to you.  Cory finally has sex in a bed.  And Lauren is apparently pregnant, so nothing too big.

Oh wait, that’s actually some huge news.  The end of the sixth episode was what the entire seventh episode was all about as we dive into the Cory/Lauren relationship as it takes a huge swerve.  So let me try to break down the twists and turns of this pregnancy scare:

-          Cory and Lauren go on a romantic cable car date that turns into unprotected sex, in a bed, at the end of the night.

-          Lauren wakes up feeling fat and nauseous two days later and decides that she should probably take a pregnancy test.  Apparently if waking up feeling fat and nauseous constitutes getting a pregnancy test than I should have taken 603 of those by now.

-          She goes home and takes the test, with Jenna spotting her, and they both come to a conclusion that the “plus” sign means that it is a positive test and she currently has a bun in the over.

-          Lauren is officially upset.

-          Cory sees her all worked up about something and tries to comfort her.

-          She says she doesn’t want to talk about this on national television, which is a reasonable request to have.

-          Cory explains to her that if she covers up her microphone no one will have any idea of what she is saying, except for the fact that the person next to her has a microphone on and we heard every word that she said.  

-          Laruen tells Cory the breaking news that is currently happening in her womb. Cory does the whole “walk away into a head snapping double take” move (which, if I may add, is the most underrated reaction of all reactions) to show his disapproval with the headline of the day.

-          Cory instantly says that it can’t be his because they only had sex two days ago.  Point for Cory.

-          Lauren rebuttals with the “oh it couldn’t be this other guy I was hooking up with. We used a condom” routine.  Point for Lauren.

-          Cory still denies that it could be his.  Staying strong, Cory. Point for Cory.

-          Laruen then says “Well, that other dude and I didn’t use a condom, but I used Plan B the next day.”  Ouch, bad move by Lauren.  Should have told the truth. Minus fifteen points for Lauren and, more importantly, minus ten thousand points for Plan B.  Talk about negative marketing.  “Hey national television audience! I used a commonly used birth control substance and it didn’t work!”

-          A producer came in to talk to Laruen about the possibility of her leaving the house.  On the one hand she would love to be around supportive people that could help and care for her.  On the other hand she would want to stay on the Real World and show people what it is like to go through moments like this that they may have in their lives. 

-          Lauren made the wise choice of heading home early because, honestly, if people wanted to see what pregnancy was like in the real world they can just tune into MTV at any other given hour of the day.  I don’t need my Real World time infused with Teen Mom 2.  So thank you, Lauren, for making a responsible decision for everyone watching.

-          So, ultimately it is not Cory’s and he gets really, really pissed. 

Cory didn’t help himself in the not-looking-like-a-douche-bag department.  He really came down hard on this poor girl.  He berated her about sleeping with another man when they weren’t together. He said that he wanted nothing to do with her and that he won’t support her through this. In Cory’s eyes I can see why he would be mad.  You just recently fell in love with your first love again and she happens to have a kid with someone that isn’t you.  That is a big pill to swallow. But to make her feel bad by not supporting her through arguably one of the biggest days of her life is pretty scummy.  Not to mention the fact that later on in the evening Cory was spotted hitting on a random girl in the club in front of Lauren.  That is also very low.  Sure, this female happened to be super attractive, but come on, man!  This was the first time in a long time that I actually felt bad for a person on the Real World.  She didn’t do anything stupid all season and seemed like a genuinely nice person. 

The next day Cory gets up and attempts to redeem himself by taking her out to a nice dinner and tries making up for the assholery of the night prior.  It seemed like all was well at the end of the date and Lauren left the show with her and Cory on good terms.  I wish all the best for Lauren in the future and thank you for letting arguably the hugest moment of your life to be captured by cameras and made available for all the world to see. 

Let this be a lesson to the kids out there: Before you need/want that funk, you gotta’ wrap up that junk.

The second biggest story line is the re-budding relationship between Jenny and Brian.  But before all that nonsense DOUG WAS BACK!!!  Yes, that Doug. The Doug that came home with Jenny after a hard night of clubbing on the very first episode.  You may also remember him from making ridiculous faces in Ashley’s bed when he tries to comfort her after an embarrassing night of racial based roommate harassment, or from the awkward moments in the hot tub where he tried to make a move on Jenny. All of these are classic moments in my mind.

Anyway, the second best character on the show finally reemerges from the depths in order bring Jenny flowers in an attempt to take her a dinner date sometime in the near future.  Jenny, of course, declines his advances due to the fact that Doug may be a serial killer, but more importantly that there is an emotionally unstable monster doing a confessional at the same exact moment and he would love to do nothing more than punch a hole through someone’s chest plate.  So Doug came and went, only to give us a faint memory of the magic we once had.  We will miss you Doug.  We will miss you. 

So Jenny and Brian celebrate their 4th or 5th (Brian’s words, not mine) anniversary with a nice dinner that eventually moved back into the kitchen where they made brownies together.  The thing that boggles my mind is that the anniversaries don’t reset after a breakup.  I just feel like that would be the logical thing to happen.  I mean, you have a winning streak as long as you keep winning but once you lose your streak resets on the next win.  Whatever.  This is why I’m single.  I’ll never fully understand this bullshit.  Finally, over their love of baked goods, Jenny and Brian hook up after Brian swore off intercourse for the time being.  After that hookup, and Brian posing like Mr. Fucking Universe at the beach, it seems like all systems are go with this relationship.  That is until boys’ night. 

Now ladies, don’t let an actual boys’ night be confused with the Real World boys’ night.  You see, actual boys’ nights consist of harmless fun and drinking with friends at a proper alcoholic establishment while your coupled friend usually watches as his single friends make asses of themselves. Or he politely plays the wingman for his drunken comrades.  The Real World boys’ nights consist of few of the country’s biggest idiots drinking a five gallon buckets worth of tequila and competing for as much camera time as possible.

Brian did the dumbest thing he could on the first annual Real World boys’ night by asking another woman for her phone number and shoving his tongue down her throat on camera (which is a horrible choice for his and Jenny’s relationship, but a great choice for us watching at home).  But Brian fell for his biggest vice…chemical engineers.  He was going to stay cool and not hit on anyone until he met this chemical engineer in which he responds “oh I better keep a conversation with this woman. She’s a chemical engineer.”  He’s got a point, though.  If you’re looking long term, would you rather be with a chemical engineer who has a stable career path that provides high pay and solid hours, or a woman who will be making club appearances for the next twenty years all while juggling her failed acting career and her numerous reality TV shows?  The man is just keeping his options open. 

Nothing else really happened with the other Roommates on this episode, which seems to be a reoccurring factor with Jay, Jenna, Arielle, and Ashley.

Ashley and Arielle had a little argument because Ashley wanted Arielle to dress more like a girl instead of wearing men’s t-shirts and knit caps all the time.  I think I speak for everyone when I say the knit cap in the summer time is just a poor wardrobe choice anyway, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.  In order to explain her reasoning behind wearing guys clothes, Arielle assembled a transsexual and homosexual Justice League all so they could tell their stories and feelings about what they go through to the rest of the roommates.  It didn’t involve drunken mistakes or Brian being stupid, so I didn’t really pay attention.
That was really it for this week.

The seventh episode was a pretty big one jam packed with drama.  The lead-in to the eighth episode looks like it will be an even bigger episode which showed scenes of the inevitable fallout of Brian’s decision at the club.  The wrath of Jenny is upon us. We also see  Jay finally get emotional because he won’t tell Jenna that he loves her.  I’m really banking on the tears coming from her finding his contact book half full of numbers.

As always I will be posting again next week. Hope you enjoyed it.  And, as always: Keep it real!

The Lounge Chair Legends

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