Monday, July 13, 2015

Old Busted Joint, New Hotness

If you are a friend on Snapchat, you've seen me run snaps called "old busted joint, new hotness." Well folks, I can finally show some real love to the original and if you have not clue what I'm talking about, you're probably not a Will Smiff fan.
From a 1992 Dodge Spirit to a 2002 Chevy Cavalier to a 2013 Mazda 3, my life, in terms of cars has not gone as I had planned in a class called Dollars and Sense during senior year. At 26, I was supposed to be driving an Aston Martin in the Summer and a Bugatti in the Winter. How would I manage that you ask? Because I would also be living on my private island with my own golf course designed by Tiger Woods AND Arnold Palmer while being married to Jessica Alba with Jessica Biel as a side piece. Mrs. Unbehaun didn't teach us to dream THAT big but I did anyways.
As I previously mentioned, my car life altered its course a while back so let's take a look where I am today with a little compare and contrast.

Old Busted Joint ('02 Chevy Cav)          New Hotness ('13 Mazda 3)
                   Price: (Cavalier listed first throughout)
                   $6,000 straight cash courtesy of my rents          
                   $12,769 straight finance courtesy of being an adult      
                   Miles at Purchase:

                   MPG (HWY):
                   33 mpg    
                   40 mpg    

                   0-60 mph:
                   8-9 blocks                                                  
                   8.3 seconds

                   Top Speed:
                   107 mph!!                                          
                   TBD (We'll find this out one drunk night. Jk momma)
                   Trunk Space (in terms of bodies RIP Tony Soprano):
                   About 3.5
                   Just a leg under 3
                   Times Pulled Over:
                   1 (10 mph over on main street RL, lucky I didnt catch 5-10 for that)

                   Parking Tickets:
                   Fuck all 5 of them
                   0 (This is bound to change)               

                   % Chance of Being Stolen:
                   0% minus 35-40%
                   3.45% (I just made this up because I hope it doesn't happen)

                   Makeout Sessions with Loose Women in the Back Seat:
                   Too many                                                     
                   Not enough (J. Alba?)

And that's all there is to it. Instead of spending my Sunday night looking up car insurance rates for New Hotness (here new name!), I spent it doing this.

The Lounge Chair Legends          

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