Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Hard Knocks: Week 1 Recap

Winning in week 1 is not a must if you want to bring home a championship but losing and getting embarrassed along the way is not the best path to start a new season. NEW DAY ROCKS!!! has chosen the latter option.

Points left on the bench, missed opportunities, and a lack enthusiasm all led to an opening week loss for Coach Walker. Had all of those things been reversed, NEW DAY was still going to lose as they were clearly the inferior team but that did not stop Coach Walker from laying into his team after the game.

"Well guys, thanks for coming out with a dud and laying a FAT FUCKING EGG! I mean you guys got embarrassed. I know some of that blame falls on me but COME ON! Percy! Why didn't you tell me you were going to do something other than create turmoil with teammates? I would have definitely started you over Steve Smiff who somehow managed to catch an incredible 2 BALLS! 2 STEVE? 2? You can find yourself a seat on the bench next week and I'm changing your name back to Smith. You gotta earn the Smiff!"

Walker continued

"LeSean, where was your head tonight? You were more disappointing than my last 3 girlfriends COMBINED! I spent too damn much money for you to be putting out like THAT. And Houston, was that Phil Mickelson's score on the front 9 or how many points you gave up? JESUS. And Randall, quit with the shoulder tears and score some more points. You are on God's gift to Earth after all."

Not all was negative though

"But to end on a high note, nice work Jimmy, Big Ben, and DeMarco. You 3 are going to have to carry this team, so keep it up. Dion, I'm sorry for wasting your only week in double digits. Now let's get ready for next week. We've got a cupcake opponent with a joke of a head coach and we CANNOT lose this one."

The joke that Walker is referring to is of course long time rival and enemy, Coach Haines. Both teams will be hungry for a win with the loser fading to 0-2 and almost securing a spot on the bench come playoff time.

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