Saturday, October 24, 2015

Hard Knocks: Week 6 Recap

A close loss against a good team can sometimes motivate a team to become great but a close loss against a bad team can have the exact opposite effect. NEW DAY ROCKS!!! took a giant step back in losing to Rustic Raiders in week 6 and will have to find a way to fight through the worst loss of the season.

"You guys are going to drive me to drink on the sidelines instead of just at halftime! How did we lose to THAT team? Their highest scoring player was Chris Ivory. Chris Fucking Ivory! Christ, I guess I'll start with the good as it will take about half the time this week. Big ups to Steve Smiff and Lesean for coming back from injury and tearing it up. And 2 good weeks in a row from you DeMarco? That definitely deserves a game ball. Finally, TB! You are taking advantage of your shitty QB throwing it your way a bunch. Just get in the end zone now." 

"As for the rest of you losers, you better figure it out or I will be making changes around here. Actually, you know what? Cobb, pack your shit, your empty pair of cleats has just been traded for a melted ice cream cone. Who is next? Jimmy, do you want to go cause you are playing like a 12 year old shooting half court shots, brick after brick. Don't worry about a bad week Dion, just don't let it happen again or bad things might happen to your family."

I hope this doesn't come back to bite me.
Things then got interesting as Coach Walker broke into tears.

"Guys, I have something I need to get off of my chest. I've known Coach Dale Earnhardt Ellis since 1st grade so we decided to get a drink before the game this week and he ended up stealing our playbook. I know I shouldn't have had it on me but I figured a long time friend wouldn't have stabbed me in the back like that. If you the need to put this loss on somebody, put it on him and channel that anger into the next game. Onto week 7."

As Commissioner Haines looks into the alleged theft, a chance for a redemption looms in week 7 as NEW DAY takes on a depleted and deplorable Dickens Cider. A loss this week might derail a shot at the playoffs and Coach Walker knows it and has guaranteed a victory. Will he join the likes of Joe Namath and Mark Messier or will he end up looking like a fool?

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