Saturday, October 31, 2015

Hard Knocks: Week 7 Recap

In the modern age when you fail to back up a guarantee, not only do you look like a fool, you get taken apart by social media. Coach Walker was toasted on Twitter being called "an absolute choke artist," "a fucking clown," and "frustrating to watch." The icing on the cake was Walker being called by NHL hall of famer Mark Messier. He informed Walker that the next time he feels like throwing around a guarantee, he should keep his washed up mouth shut.

"Guys, the loss this week can be put on one person and one person only. Jimmy Graham. What the FUCK Jimmy? You came to my office and told me to start you because you were going to have a big week. If a big week consists of 5 points then we need to reassess your position on the team. Fuck it Jimmy, the first person I can sucker into a trade for you, you're gone."

5 minutes pass

"Alright Jimmy, pack your shit and get the fuck out. Guys, welcome Eric Ebron to the team and while I'm making moves, Dion and John Brown get out of my sight. I would rather have Woodhead and Landry any damn day. Now that things have calmed down a little bit, lets talk about what we can do to get this shit storm turned around. How about we just score more points? Can you losers do that for me? If not, let me know and I'll trade your ass."

"There is one man that I am proud of this week but he's definitely not on this team. If you guys didn't know Coach Dale Earnhardt Ellis Jr, was recently diagnosed with AIDS. He still had the courage to battle through painful treatments this week and kick our ass. The man is an inspiration and you losers should inspire yourselves to play better next game. Onto week 8."

Coach Dale Earnhardt Jr.
5 straight games decided by less than 10 points has put a heavy burden on Walker's mind and a loss to 2008 Detroit Lions this week could put him over the edge. 2008 is on pace to claim the title as worst fantasy team ever and that makes it win or go home time for NEW DAY ROCKS!!!.

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