Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Hard Knocks: Week 1 Recap


A renewed bond has been formed between HBO and Coach Walker just in time for Season 2 of Hard Knocks: Fantasy Football. HBO reported astronomical ratings for the 7 weeks of coverage on NEW DAY ROCKS!!! before Coach Walker closed the doors and ultimately ran his team into the ground. The new season is upon us though, which means an opportunity at redemption (see Jamie Foxx) for Coach Walker and the renamed YO TEAM IS BOOTY!!! A week 1 thumping was not the place to start but it is a start nonetheless and it appears the wheels have already loosened on what should be another expletive filled season.


In the locker room after the game, Coach Walker let his team have it.

"WOOOOOOH BOYS. Congrats on the win tod......oh shit, you lost by 60?? That's how you start the season, losing to some guy you've never heard of? If that's the case, we might as well fold the fuck up right now! Speaking of folding, AP and Gurley, I spent over $100 on you 2 and you give me 8 points? I must be out my damn mind! Normally there would be some good things to cover but I have nothing, NOTHING! Put your hand down Big Ben. I don't care that you had 21 points. One hit to the head and everybody knows you will be slinging the rock to the other team. Shower up and let's get the hell outta here."

If you get this reference, props to you.
The post game conference didn't fair much better after Coach Walker was asked about possibly being replaced.

"Replaced?!? REPLACED!??! Do you think the Packers thought about replacing Aaron Rodgers after 5 straight choke jobs in the playoffs? NO! Why? Because of that ring on his finger. You see what I have right here on my left hand? A CHAMPIONSHIP RING! You can think some lesser man would be better all you want but that is only going to end in losses and tears. There is not a man on this planet that deserves to be at the helm of this team more than me. You want to turn on me after 1 bad game? Then like Bob Knight, you can KISS MY ASS!"

The only logical next step for Coach Walker is to get back in the game and find some better way to win. After that disappointment, literally anything will do.



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