Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Hard Knocks: Week 2 Recap

Most men would have folded up like a porn star after suffering a 60 point loss in week 1 but Coach Walker is no ordinary man. He rallied YO TEAM IS BOOTY!!!! in week 2 as they decimated Zimmer Down Now by a convincing 30 points. The 141 points scored were good enough for 3rd overall and it definitely put the rest of the league on notice. Needless to say, the mood was a little more upbeat in the locker room following the win.

"Hell of win out there today guys! That team might have been worse than my choice in women but it still feels good to kick some ass! CAM! Get up here and grab this game ball. 350 yards AND 4 TDs? It's pretty clear that you are the best goddamn QB in the game and I'm proud to have drafted you. TB! Nice work out there. After you shower up, send a thank you card to Keenan Allen's right knee please. And speaking of thank yous, I would like to thank my own dumbass self for wasting $100+ dollars on the 12 point dynamic duo that is AP and Todd Gurley! 12 points? There were 4 guys on the bench that had more than 12 points! CHRIST! Anyways, lets get out of here and hit the strip joint. Lap dances are on me tonight!!"

Before the fun could begin though, Coach Walker had some unfinished business with a certain member of the media.

"Where is that ass hat that had the nerve to suggest replacing me? I see you. I SUGGEST you get out of that chair and leave before I F5 you through a table. Let this be a lesson to you no good hacks, I do not forget ANYTHING! This is MY team and I am the RIGHT man for the job! Write this shit in your columns, WE-ARE-PLAYOFF-BOUND!"

A big tilt looms in week 3 as Coach Statboi has his team humming and looking for a 3-0 start. It will once again come down to which squad takes the field for Coach Walker. The one that loses by 60 or the one that looks poised to bring home the Golden Plate for a 2nd time.

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