Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Hard Knocks: Week 4 Recap

Something magical is stirring in Madison, WI and it may have to do with Coach Walker's recent visit to the iconic ice arena where the American hockey team knocked off Russia in 1980. Following a miraculous, 1 point win over Drake's Team For Now, YO TEAM IS BOOTY!!!! is looking more and more like a team bound for destiny.

"Last year, had you told me that we were in a 1 point game, I would have chalked it up as a loss without even thinking twice. BUT NOT THIS YEAR BOYS! GODDAMN does it feel incredible to stretch this winning streak to 3. I mean that win was sloppier than my last girlfriend but we crossed another chump off the list with the W."

"A couple of you guys were on this team last year when we couldn't figure anything out but here you are leading us to the top. I'm talking about you STEVE SMIFF! Nothing puts a smile on this handsome face like seeing you stiff arm the fuck out of people while scoring TDs. I knew you still had it! You guys go out tonight and enjoy yourselves but be thinking about next week because the only thing I hate more than weight room bros is the thought of losing to that bum, Has Been Haines."

Where do I get a jersey????
The rivalry between Coach Walker and Coach Haines has been a tumultuous one and the next chapter turned a page just minutes after the game.

"You guys want to ask me about that ugly ass game? Hell no. I'm only taking questions about next weeks game against Has Been Haines. You can set the type for your headline next week: 'Has Been Haines Crushed by Rival Walker for First Loss of Season.' Now that is going to sell some papers. This is going to be a bloodbath and I will do ANYTHING to beat him. I would rather run over a family of ducks because I was messing with my iPod than lose to him. I would rather donate both of my kidneys to a dumpster than lose to him. I WOULD RATHER BURN A $100 MILLION WINNING LOTTERY TICKET THAN LOSE TO HIM."  

Some serious words from a coach who is on the cusp of catapulting his team to the top of the standings.

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