Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Hard Knocks: Week 5 Recap

After much build up, the match up between Saratoga Superstars and YO TEAM IS BOOTY!!!! lived up to the hype. Early Sunday the contest was a low scoring, junk yard brawl. The afternoon saw Coach Haines take a commanding lead followed by Coach Walker battling back late Monday only to end up falling just short of another miracle. The game may not have gone their way this week but YO TEAM IS BOOTY!!!! is making a strong pitch for a playoff spot.

"Only one man is going to take the blame on this one. Me. I spent so much time thinking about beating Coach Haines that I went into full blonde mode when I hit the waivers this week. Cameron Brate? You play football? I was THIS GODDAMN CLOSE to picking up Jeremy Kerley but I went with your sorry ass. Get the fuck outta here, you're cut. This is far from the end for the rest of you guys. What do you do when you get knocked down? You get back up. What do you do when a Tinder ho turns you down? You get back swiping! WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU LOSE TO A CHUMP ASS COACH? YOU MASSACRE THE NEXT BUM IN YOUR PATH! Get ready for next week. We are going to send a message."

Before any media member could even get a question out, Coach Walker took over.

"I usually have plenty to say but I'll keep this short and sweet. Like I told the guys in the locker room, this loss is on me. I was once told giving your best is the only option, even if it means failure and that's what my team did this week. They gave it their all and I couldn't get the right guys on the field. From here on out, the games, the trash talk, and the charades are taking a backseat. It's time to just win baby win"

From the outside it appears that Coach Walker may be turning a new leaf but those close to his camp believe that his wild pettiness will materialize once again. A week 6 loss to the embarrassment that is Tuff Engines will surely make things interesting.

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