Sunday, January 22, 2017

2017 NFL Conference Championship Predictions

The best thing about being 1-7 through 8 games is that I am now an ESPN "expert" and the best thing about about the Conference Championships is that I only have to try and be half as funny. Let's get to the games.

NFC Championship-Green Bay Packers @ Hotlanta Falcons

Line: Falcons -6

This game has the stars, the offense, and the hype much like the Cavs-Warriors rematch last week and just like that game, one of these teams is going to lay an absolute dud. One thing I can guarantee is that it will not be by the Green Bay Packers with A-A-Ron Rodgers playing catch like no other right now. I mean, did you even see "the throw" last week bro? He broke 7 tackles, sprinted to his left and played catch so well with Jared Cook that the 8 defenders covering him didn't stand a chance. Mason Crosby even told reporters after the game that Rodgers taught him a new kicking technique in warm ups that allowed him to make that game winning field goal. I'm starting to think that the God Russell Wilson sold his soul to is actually just A-A-Ron Rodgers.

A-A-Ron explained for you old folks.

Off the field, it has also come out recently that Rodgers is a world class brother and son. What a stand up guy. The greatness apparently just rubs off him too as his girlfriend, Olivia Munn, is a budding actress with hit films such as The Slammin' Salmon, Mortdecai, and Zoolander 2. To top it off, Rodgers uses his spare time for medical research and the American Cancer Society estimates he will provide a cure for all types of cancer by the end of the decade. I just can't pick against this one of a kind human being anymore. Packers 51-21.    

AFC Championship-Pittsburgh Steelers @ New England Patriots

Line: Patriots -6

Will Brady play for ring #5 or will Big Ben play for #3? Will either QB take a blindside hit and break his hip?? Will Bill Belichick wear sleeves??? These are my burning questions heading into the AFC Championship. Problem is, I wasted all of my energy slobbing on Rodgers above and I really want to play Battlefield so I will keep this short. This game is going to end on a horrific Big Ben pick six or a sack and fumble after Big Ben holds the ball for about 30 seconds too long. The whole Antonio Brown locker room video leak is all playing into this story line. Pittsburgh will blow it and the dumb ass media are going to have a field day on how that video inspired the Pats to make that final, crucial play. To answer my questions from above, Brady plays for #5, Malcom Brown breaks Big Ben in half, and no, of course not. Patriots 30-20. Fuck, that was a mess. Deal with it.

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