There was an error in this gadget

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Road Trip: Day 4

Start: Montpelier, VT
Finish: Old Orchard Beach, ME
Miles: 234
States: VT, NH, ME

Being a state capital you would think Montpelier would have something to do but that was not the case and it was good to get on the road in the morning. 111 miles was the first leg of the day and the goal was the top of Mount Washington.

Heading to the peak in the middle.
When we arrived, New Hotness took one look at that mountain and said "not again" but she held her own and made it up the 8 mile, 4,600 ft climb. The road was a TIGHT 2 lanes all of the way up and anytime we passed somebody, I thought we were going to swap paint.

White line to white line is TWO lanes.
The views from the top were pretty incredible as we were lucky enough to be able to see 100 miles in every direction. The temp was around 40 degrees and the winds were calm for being the windiest place in North America. 231 mph winds were recorded here in 1934 and I was hoping to at least hit 100 while we were up there.

Inside the observation area was a museum and lots of information on the history of Mount Washington. One thing I found particularly interesting was a list of every person that had died on the mountain since the 19th century. I'm proud to say that out of the 157 people that have died up there, not one was from WI. Kept that streak ALIVE!

Apparently it was windy recently.
The drive down was once again all coasting with lots of brake pumping. They have brake stops at various places and we hit up 3 of them as my brakes started to smell like a dumpster fire.

Some Frenchy took our pic for us. Merci!
The original ending destination was Portland, ME where we would be whale watching in the morning but we landed a sweet deal at a motel in Old Orchard Beach, right on the beach.

See, right on the beach.
Tomorrow: Swimming in the ocean, whale watching, and Bahston.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Road Trip: Day 3

Start: Watertown, NY
Finish: Montpelier, VT
Miles; 268
States: NY, VT

We managed to make it out of Watertown by 8:30 or so with the main destination being Olympic Village in Lake Placid, NY. The route to Lake Placid was 120 miles and included 100% back roads which were like driving a roller coaster through the forest.

For $35 each we bought what were called Olympic Sites Passports and they gave us access to pretty much everything in the area. The first stop at Lake Placid was the Olympic Ski Jump Complex and that was insane to say the least.

The 90 meter jump from the 120 meter jump
There were 2 ski jumps with the taller of the 2 being 120 meters and guess what, you could take the elevator up to the observation deck! Skiing down the ramp wouldn't be too bad but that big ass jump at the end had me thinking about cracking my skull in half. Nobody was training while we were there but it was still cool to go up top.

The 2nd stop of the day was the 1980 Olympic Museum and the rink where the Americans knocked off Mother Russia.

Still skating circles around people.
As you can see, I had my skates on deck ready to go but we were told the rink was closed for the day! Of all days a whole group of Jesus freaks had taken over the rink for some holy ghost convention. There was even a giant bowl of magical holy water there to bless (or repel evil) people when they entered.

As you probably have already guessed, Jesus wasn't going to stop me from stepping foot in the arena. I may have been the only person in there wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt but I made a couple of laps around taking in the history. I even walked on the ice (or plastic covering) and spent a minute sitting in a seat pretending the game was going on in front of me. A cool experience for a lifelong hockey fan even though some super cult church had taken the place over.

A goal from the game and Jim Craig's pads
Stop #3 was the Cloudsplitter gondola ride up the ski resort on Whiteface Mountain. Nothing too exciting happened here other than my mom freaking out every time the gondola rumbled over a tower.

The biggest vertical drop east of the Rocky Mts.

The ski resort doesn't quite make it to the top of the mountain but we would eventually get there after New Hotness STRUGGLED up the 5 mile, 2,300 foot climb. For the final 270 feet you could either take the elevator inside the mountain or hike up the path made from the rock taken out of the mountain for the elevator. I'll let you guess who did what.

The coast down the mountain did work for the gas mileage but I imagine my brake pads probably disintegrated in the process. The last 120 miles to Montpelier were pretty similar to the first 120 except for taking a ferry across Lake Champlain into Vermont. They also gave me a 50 cent piece as change when I paid for the ferry. Who does that?

I should really turn this black and white and put it on Facebook.
 Tomorrow: The windiest place in North America.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Road Trip: Days 1 and 2

A while back while sitting at working doing nothing, I realized I had an abundance of vacation time to use so I decided that a road trip was in store. Going by myself would have been fun and all but I chose to ask my moms instead and she said yes. The only question remaining was destination. I asked her SW or NE and her response was along the lines of "Arizona is too damn hot, I won't make it." NE it was. For the 7 readers out there, this is our adventure.

Day 1:

Start: Madison, WI
Finish: (HOLY they once beat Michigan) Toledo, OH
Miles: 397
States: WI, IL, IN, OH

New Hotness has been putting in work!
I'm guessing this is going to be the least exciting day of the trip as the only things we did were drive and pay toll after goddamn toll. Illinois/Chicago were as terrible/boring as one would predict except for the time I had to cut a FIB off to make an exit. What goes around comes around. Other than that, it was an awful time.

This is for states with toll booths!
After Illinois came Indiana. It was more of the same pay this toll, pay that toll BS but we made it through. I have been told that Indiana Dunes State Park is pretty cool so that might be an option on the way back. The only other memorable thing about Indiana was that it seemed like every sign on the highway had been hit by Katrina. It was odd.

Went 6 miles on empty, little nerve-racking. 
Ohio was next on the list and as it was dark the whole time I couldn't tell you much about it. The Wright Brothers and a couple of Presidents are from there if you didn't know.

Day 2:

Start: Toledo, OH
Finish: Watertown, NY
Miles: 546
States: OH, PA, NY

Day 2 started with a bang when my mom discovered she could buy a magnet for every state we were going to visit at one gas station! Next came Cleveland. I called Lebron on the way to see if he wanted to kick it but he was away on business so we just rolled on through but not before checking out Lake Erie. This was the first real excitement of the trip and I can now check it off the list of Great Lakes.

Lake Erie
Spending a little over an hour in Pennsylvania doesn't sound that exciting but we did see our first hill since leaving WI!

On came New York, more tolls, and more driving. Buffalo looked super depressing and that was even before they get 20 feet of snow dumped on them. Go Bills........

The highlight of the trip so far was Niagara Falls and I would definitely recommend the Maid of the Mist boat tour if you visit. For $18, you can't go wrong. The whole time we were right up in the falls, I was rooting for somebody to go overboard just to see if they would get sucked under Titanic style. The only thing that could have topped that would have been somebody going over the falls in a whiskey barrel. Oh yea, I saw Canada for the first time and I would guess that the boat entered Canadian waters at some point so I have now been there too!

American Falls and Niagara Falls
A couple of hours later we ended the day in Watertown, NY. I do have to say that upstate NY is whole lot like WI minus the farms and fields. It's nice and relaxing.

Upcoming: Lake Placid, Lake Champlain and more (tolls)!

PS: I know this was hastily and poorly written but what do I care, nobody will read it anyways.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Hard Knocks: Week 2 Recap

Most men would have folded up like a porn star after suffering a 60 point loss in week 1 but Coach Walker is no ordinary man. He rallied YO TEAM IS BOOTY!!!! in week 2 as they decimated Zimmer Down Now by a convincing 30 points. The 141 points scored were good enough for 3rd overall and it definitely put the rest of the league on notice. Needless to say, the mood was a little more upbeat in the locker room following the win.

"Hell of win out there today guys! That team might have been worse than my choice in women but it still feels good to kick some ass! CAM! Get up here and grab this game ball. 350 yards AND 4 TDs? It's pretty clear that you are the best goddamn QB in the game and I'm proud to have drafted you. TB! Nice work out there. After you shower up, send a thank you card to Keenan Allen's right knee please. And speaking of thank yous, I would like to thank my own dumbass self for wasting $100+ dollars on the 12 point dynamic duo that is AP and Todd Gurley! 12 points? There were 4 guys on the bench that had more than 12 points! CHRIST! Anyways, lets get out of here and hit the strip joint. Lap dances are on me tonight!!"

Before the fun could begin though, Coach Walker had some unfinished business with a certain member of the media.

"Where is that ass hat that had the nerve to suggest replacing me? I see you. I SUGGEST you get out of that chair and leave before I F5 you through a table. Let this be a lesson to you no good hacks, I do not forget ANYTHING! This is MY team and I am the RIGHT man for the job! Write this shit in your columns, WE-ARE-PLAYOFF-BOUND!"

A big tilt looms in week 3 as Coach Statboi has his team humming and looking for a 3-0 start. It will once again come down to which squad takes the field for Coach Walker. The one that loses by 60 or the one that looks poised to bring home the Golden Plate for a 2nd time.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Hard Knocks: Week 1 Recap

A renewed bond has been formed between HBO and Coach Walker just in time for Season 2 of Hard Knocks: Fantasy Football. HBO reported astronomical ratings for the 7 weeks of coverage on NEW DAY ROCKS!!! before Coach Walker closed the doors and ultimately ran his team into the ground. The new season is upon us though, which means an opportunity at redemption (see Jamie Foxx) for Coach Walker and the renamed YO TEAM IS BOOTY!!! A week 1 thumping was not the place to start but it is a start nonetheless and it appears the wheels have already loosened on what should be another expletive filled season.

In the locker room after the game, Coach Walker let his team have it.

"WOOOOOOH BOYS. Congrats on the win tod......oh shit, you lost by 60?? That's how you start the season, losing to some guy you've never heard of? If that's the case, we might as well fold the fuck up right now! Speaking of folding, AP and Gurley, I spent over $100 on you 2 and you give me 8 points? I must be out my damn mind! Normally there would be some good things to cover but I have nothing, NOTHING! Put your hand down Big Ben. I don't care that you had 21 points. One hit to the head and everybody knows you will be slinging the rock to the other team. Shower up and let's get the hell outta here."

If you get this reference, props to you.
The post game conference didn't fair much better after Coach Walker was asked about possibly being replaced.

"Replaced?!? REPLACED!??! Do you think the Packers thought about replacing Aaron Rodgers after 5 straight choke jobs in the playoffs? NO! Why? Because of that ring on his finger. You see what I have right here on my left hand? A CHAMPIONSHIP RING! You can think some lesser man would be better all you want but that is only going to end in losses and tears. There is not a man on this planet that deserves to be at the helm of this team more than me. You want to turn on me after 1 bad game? Then like Bob Knight, you can KISS MY ASS!"

The only logical next step for Coach Walker is to get back in the game and find some better way to win. After that disappointment, literally anything will do.