Tuesday, May 2, 2017

The Fate of the Furious (Fast 8)

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but there is absolutely nothing subjective about Fast 8 being the most beautiful piece of art ever created. It was so good, I would bet my entire life savings that it breaks the record for most Oscar wins by a single film. It was so good, Gene Siskel gave it 4 thumbs up from beyond the grave. It was so good, I would pay full price just to watch the trailer in theaters. It was so good, I would turn down a booty call from Jessica Alba if sleeping with her meant I could never watch it again. With that being said, it's time for anybody who hasn't seen it to leave because I am going to break down every heart stopping/wrenching moment from this classic.

The film opens with Dom and Letty living the married life in Cuba where conflict immediately arises as Dom has to save his Cuz's car by competing in a "Cuban Mile" race. What follows is the least incredible sequence in the film even though Dom beats the fastest car on the island by driving his cuz's rust bucket backwards, while on fire because why not. A great opening scene that had me hyped enough to think that I could win the Daytona 500 with my Mazda 3. The plot then takes a dark turn as Cipher (Charlize Theron) appears and shows Dom a suspicious video that convinces him to turn on his family. A move that almost broke my heart 25 minutes in.

The treasonous actions of Dom leads to Cipher getting hold of an EMP and Hobbs being locked up in a super max prison with none other than Ian Shaw from Fast 7. After a minute or so of incredible one liners, Hobbs is let out of his cell by Mr. Nobody, which creates a diversion for Shaw to free himself and every other prisoner in the joint. Hobbs and Shaw unleash a barrage of top notch ass kicking as they fight their way to freedom and end up at Mr. Nobody's lair.

What follows is the most diabolical, M. Night Shyamalanesque reveal in the history of cinema as we find out why Dom has betrayed his family. BECAUSE HE HAS ANOTHER FAMILY. It comes to light that Cipher has kidnapped Elena (Dom's Fast 5 fling) and THEIR INFANT BABY!!! My head almost exploded at this point but the kicker was Elena telling Dom that the baby doesn't have a first name because his father should be the one to give it to him.

Prior to the reveal, Cipher and Dom broke into Mr. Nobody's lair and stole God's Eye which can only mean the bad guys are hoping to steal nuclear codes from the Russian Minister of Defense who just happens to be in New York. Yup. Cipher utilizes God's Eye to activate thousands of unmanned cars and they ALL smash into the Minister's motorcade like a hoard of zombies from World War Z allowing Dom to snatch up the briefcase of codes. This encounter also produced another dramatic/traumatic moment for me when Dom treats Shaw to a lead sandwich, killing him. Oh yea, a wildling from Game of Thrones also fed Elena a lead sandwich of her very own right in front of baby Dom! This is how Dexter was created folks!

With the nuclear codes, the only thing left in Cipher's plan for world dominance is to steal a nuclear submarine and that final encounter takes place at a remote Russian military base. Dom uses the aforementioned EMP to disable the bases defenses allowing Cipher to hack the submarine. All seems lost at this point but the submarine still has to make it out of the bay and that is where the family comes into play. Hobbs, Letty, and crew race the submarine to the lock at the end of the bay to prevent it from disappearing forever. If shit couldn't get any wilder, all the while this is taking place, Shaw comes back from the dead with his brother to save little baby Dom and attempts to apprehend Cipher. However, she does manage to escape which just lays the foundation for Fast 9 and beyond. Dom learns of the rescue, makes a triumphant return to the family, and tricks a heat seeking missile into destroying the submarine. I recall fist pumping Tiger Woods style once or twice after this occured.

The final scene has the family grilling on a rooftop when Dom reiterates the fact that you never turn your back on family and introduces them to his son, BRIAN! I KNEW he was going to name his son Brian but when he said it, tears came streaming down my face. Brian O' Conner/Paul Walker was my cuz and for Dom to honor him like that, really meant a lot and made the film great. I can only hope that my words did this cinematic masterpiece justice.

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